I’ve been with my girlfriend for close to 9 years and know she says she feels trapped. I don’t want to lose her, how can I save our relationship?
Let me start with some background info:
For the first 6 years of our relationship everything was great but the last 3 have been weird. Let me tell you when the problems started. It all started in 2007 when she started acting funny and being real secretive. She would come up with some weird stories when I would ask her stuff and I noticed she started taking her phone every she went. One time I took a look at her phone because I would always see her textn’ and then start acting funny. When I looked at the text messages, it was empty. She erased all the messages and when I asked her why, she replied "to make space". That sounded like bull to me but I love and trust her so I let it go. A couple months down the line it continued so I once again took a look at her phone and this time I saw all these flirtatious texts with another guy. Nothing bad but real flirty. The guy new me, which made it worse but I saw in the texts that he said "if anything happened and me and my girl would break up then he would make his move but that he wished us the best". When I confronted her she got scared and said that she was just messing with his feeling and that nothing happened. I believed it due to the content of sum of the messages and left it alone. Later down the line she was still acting the same and so I start thinking that she is cheating on me. A few weeks later I run into a girl I use to mess with before me and my girl started dating and we started talking in a friendly way. The girl knew I had a a girlfriend but one day the girl wanted to take it one step further. I thought to myself, "my girl is probably doing something with some other guy and I’m here being faithful like a dummy". So I let the girl give me oral sex…It only happened a few times but I did let it happened. Me and this girl messed around from 2007 to January 2008, but in that time we only fooled around once every couple of months and usually it would be around the time my girl and I would stop talking because she was being weird.
Now it gets bad…….
My girlfriend ends up finding out that me and this girl were messing around. She ends up talking to the girl I messed with but the girl makes up this story and tells my girl that we did more then ever really happened and acted like she didn’t know I had a girlfriend. This girl lied to my girl and was trying to sabotage the relationship between me and my girl. My girl confronts me and when Im about to tell her the truth she says something and I start thinking of all the times I would ask her things and she would just say NO and probably be lying. So I denied it and we ended up breaking up. I later find out that she wasn’t cheating on me and now I felt stupid. So around May I call her and confess. That’s when we started talking and hanging out as friends again. We are both college students, so while we were still not boyfriend and girlfriend but just friends, we enrolled in most of the same classes which let us see more of each other and get closer. In August 2008 we ended up getting back together. It was weird at at first but around October 2008 everything got better and we were in love all over again. We went on two trips towards the end of 2008 and once we came back things were fine. Then in February 2009 she started getting distant and not holding my hand as much and not cuddling as much as we usually do(Yes we still cuddled) .She even started kissing me less. It just got worse and worse everyday. I tried to find out what was wrong but could never get anything out of her. I tried to make things right and fix things but it wasn’t working. Finally at the end of March 2009 we had got into a discussion on the phone(not a fight nor argument) and she told me that she felt trapped in our relationship and that the only reason she was still with me was because I wanted to be with and she loved me to much to hurt me. She told me that she didn’t know why she felt that way but that she read something online and she said she needs to grow and find herself without me in her life. I asked her what difference does it make if I’m not there? She said she didn’t know. I told her that I can help her and that if she wanted we could go to counseling but she just said forget it, lets just stay together so I can be happy. I didn’t like that response but I took it for the time being because I didn’t want to lose her. Later when I saw her in person that day I wanted to talk but she didn’t want to talk at all. Every time I tried to talk to her about it later down the line she would just ignore me. Things started to calm down about two weeks after but then it took a turn for the worse. On April 4th 2009 I went out clubbing with her on sum friends. I let her do her thing and let her hang out with her friends while I chilled with mine at the club. You know, I didn’t want to rui