Alright, I have some thing with sad poems. lol. Can you tell me what you think about this one?
I wrote another poem! It’s called Fear, and I want to know what you think about it, alright? Remember that I haven’t even turned 11 yet. If you want to see my other poem, click on the link http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqLqY7rZ8GMC65Nu8yM362oazKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20090425183541AAXijvW Thanks!
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Fear
A lack of love, an abundance of hate, these are all things we can fear.
A fear of there being no heaven above, not knowing what may await.
Being scared, afraid, upset, my dear we must be brave! With me there’s always an abundance of love, so with courage we must behave.
Please try and trust me, I know that it’s true, you’ve given me courage, listen I’ll give some to you.
I’m not even scared about anything though. I just got bored and found a pencil and some paper, so please don’t worry about me being scared or depressed. Thanks!
Oh, I don’t want you to go easy on me just because of my age. Please treat me as if I were an adult, because I want true critism. Thanks!
I meant criticism…sorry for spelling that wrong. Again, please tell me how you truly feel about it, because considering my age won’t help me become a poet. Thank you.
Tags: abundance, adult, courage, fear, heaven, lol, love, pencil, poem, poet, question index, sad poems, yahoo
The best thing i like about this poem is that you are only 11 years old but the thought process is very mature…Kudos to you for that…yes the world can be scary at times. but if we remember that all is gonna be fine soon and believe in it, i am sure that life would be awesome. What i would suggest is SUBMIT THIS POEM ON
http://www.poemsnprose.com
you can get reviews from experienced writers…you can be a great writer one day…
that is a good poem little one, very deep and thoughtful
I like it. I think that, though it probably use a bit of polishing, it s quite good.
Also, please don’t submit your age in your question if you want genuine constructive criticism. Many people will find out your age and will instantly say it is fantastic for your age, and then tiptoe around your feelings. That frustrated the hell out of me when I was writing at your age, and it is only now, when I am 16, that people’s first response isn’t that it is fantastic for my age, and they genuinely evaluate and tell me if they like it or not.
Sorry for getting off track.
10 out of 10
I really enjoyed this poem. I can tell that you wrote it straight from the heart and put a lot of thought into creating it. For someone who is only 11 years old this is a really good poem. You seem like you have plenty of potential and I know you could be a great poet or even write some day. We need more ambitious and inspiring young youth like you in this world. Youth like you are the future and can make a difference not only in themselves but for the rest of the world. Permit your own light to shine, so that others may be liberated from their fear to realize their true potential and aspire to be whatever they can be in life. Keep writing and I would love for you to be my friend. I write poetry too and would absolutely love the opportunity to read plenty more of yours. Excellent. Keep postin.=]
Love from,
A Fellow Poet=]
It sounds, like an older person did it. The words sound a bit like old english? Do you have an obsession with shakesphere? Sounds like it, but it isn’t as deep. It’s really simplistic and straightforward. Next time, aim for somthing that is simplistic, yet complicated that the reader has to ask themselves what really is the true meaning of the poem. abundance you should only use once, since it has a lot of syllables it makes your phrase a bit too long.
sorry for offending you, but this is what i think of it.
6/10