Online Relationship Breakups…Why am I having a hard time just letting go?
I have been in an online relationship for 1.5 yrs. Known him for 2 yrs. I never thought I could fall in love with anyone online, nor was I even looking for love when I found it. We talked every single day for the last 1.5 yrs at least 4 hrs a day during the week & he called me before work & at his lunch breaks every day. Every weekend we spent at least 12 hrs a day together on the phone, & online & we played a lot of online euchre as partners. We both were having financial problems that lead for us not being able to be together in person at this point & time. I told my kids about him & I talked to them everyday about him. His finacial problems have worsened & now he is saying that he wants to end this & he has become very bitter towards me. I’m having a hard time moving on because I want to at least meet him. I need closure. I want to see the person I had a relationship with for the last 2 yrs. Is that so much to ask for? He said NO to meeting now. He doesnt understand why I need that
My kids are grown and over the age of 18. So my kids arent even a factor.
I know that he still loves me and he still tells me that he still does. He is having very bad finanical problems. He has lost several things here lately due to lack of money and hard times and he says that he isnt able to give me the life that I need and that I say now money dont matter, but he things in time it will and he doesnt know at this point and time where his finanical status is going to take him and he thinks that I deserve better. I know its not because of him wanting someone else or having someone else. I know he loves me. We spent every spare min that either of us had other then sleep and work. Never once did we not even spend all weekend talking other then sleeping. Not one day in those 2 yrs did we not. I know he loves me. It is finanical and I know that for a fact that he is having big time finanical problems right now.
If it were because I knew he didnt love me and wanted to be with someone else. Then I could walk away with no problem what so ever, but I know that isnt the case.
Tabitha I was thinking the same thing about the harsh responses on some. Thank u for u response. I agree with many parts. I’m hurt because I invested so much time into this relationship. 2 yrs is a long time. I guess now were all false hopes. All my fault I know. I should know better…but it still hurts and I still love him. He is having finanical problems right now. I seen it with my own 2 eyes. We had & still have each others accounts info and passwords. He does work ft & has a good job, but fell behind. he does drive over an hour one way from work & with gas prices he is spending 200.00 a week in gas. I did offer to help him & he said no. He didnt want my money. He is very old fashion and he doesnt believe in someone helping him out. He is way subborn. I guess like me. I just dont feel like two people that really love each other, that money should not be an issue to end a relationship. I know he hasnt lost interest in me. If so he would cut all ties with me. Things werent bad
Dayummadeulook..I agree..I am having a hard time letting go. I invested 2 yrs of my life with this man. I know it is live and learn, but it doesnt mean that it still doesnt hurt.
Pauly I’m not talking about falling in love with several different people like you did over a few years. I devoted all 2 yrs to him and he did the same for me. Most of our time wasnt even on the computer it was on the phone. We spent every min of our spare time together. I have a 360 page on my profile he is also on that. We both have had the same friends for 2 yrs. They are like our family. They love us both. I will post a sample of one of his letters to me and show you the bond that I was lead to beleive that we had.
This is one of thousands of letters that he sent to me………..
Yes Babygirl you have told me and I love hearing it no matter how many times you say it Sweetheart! You never ever let me go without making sure you tell me or show me that not only do you love me very much but that you are thinking of me. You are right Sweetheart, we have been through a lot and we have an exstremely strong bond between us that just grows and continually gets stronger day after day. I have always considered my life blessed to have you as part of it. To have met you and captured your attention enough for you to take notice of me enough to make the effort to get to know me was the best thing to ever happen in my life. It is one of those very small moments in life that if it had not happened, EVERYTHING after that would have been different. I am so glad you looked past the 1st appearances and spent that time getting to know me. We fit together so well because w feel the same for one another.
continued from one of the letters he sent from above…..
I am yours Baby heart and soul!
What I feel for you Princess is from deep within me. It is more than just friendship, more than just lust. It is a feeling of complete want for your company, and satisfaction of being with you. It is total desire for your touch and need to have you just besid me, holding my hand for no other reason than to feel your presence. We have spent many a memorable night together, hours on end, sometimes more than 12 at a time. We have loved, laughed, fought, cried, just like you say and for me just as it is for you, it is always hard to say goodbye. I don’t even like the word lol. I miss you all the time Baby, and every minute we are not together you are in my thoughts. That is the honest truth, I don’t mean every few minutes or hour I think of you, I mean I think of you, see your face, wonder what you are doing etc.. every minute no matter what else I am doing.
continued from one of the letters he sent from above…..
I always have a spectacular time in your company. I always find myself longing for your companionship when we aren’t together. "I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you Cause I’ve been without you and I know how it feels." You are right Princess, "There is nothing in this world that feels better then to love someone with all your heart and to be loved in return the same way as you love them." You taught me that, you showed me what real deep caring love is and should be. You are the one that brought that deep feeling and want for you out in me and for that I thank you Babygirl! You are the best single thing in my life whether we are talking about the most important person, or the most important thing that has ever happened to me. You Princess are what I want to wake up for everyday and who I want to wake up with the rest of my life. I love you Sweetheart very much and from deep within my being. I will always love you that way
Dayummadeulook..no you took that wrong. I never said anything about money to see me…I said he didnt want me to bail him out with his finanicalproblems. Not sure where you got that at.
Tags: amp, big time, closure, euchre, hard time, looking for love, love, lunch, money dont matter, Online Euchre, Online Relationship, relationship, Relationship Breakups, single day, sleep, things in time
I think the answers were a bit harsh. The online thing, it just happens, then other factors collude to it drawing out and the never meeting thing yeah it can "just happen" and who cares if it was loneliness or what. We’re all busy and sometimes we just meet people who live far away if we spend some time online.
But……
I think you were just had. He probably never intended to meet in the first place.
He might really have had all that time to spend with you, but one wonders why? He probably has those "financial problems" for the same reason he can spend 14 hours on the weekend online. Most people don’t have that kind of time cause they’re doing that thing called ‘surviving’, part of which is meeting their financial obligations.
He obviously had to paint himself as a pretty great guy to get you spending so much time with him. He got all your emotions going full speed ahead without giving you any satisfaction. Paint the illusion and then never come through. That’s why you can’t find closure. Now he’s claming financial problems. He may be assuming you’ll miss him so much you will want to help him out. Even if he isn’t a scamming you he still sounds like someone who, for whatever reason, just wanted an distance thing and now is using financial issues as an excuse to end it.
And he does understand why you’d want to meet. That’s just BS. If he understood how to "hook you" in the first place he would understand that it was under the pretense that you two could eventually meet.
But either way the whole thing amounts to tired ol’ emotional manipulation and a basic narcissistic approach to relations. Even if you two did miraculously get together he would most likely be the emotionally manipulative, irresponsible type. A man who really wants to be with you and isn’t a loser is NOT going to tell you about all his loser points (men generally don’t like to advertise their financial lack of success, for example).
I get that you’re reeling from lack of closure with this great illusory guy you built up in your head, so that’s a tough one, but I think you just may have to learn to accept that you were played. Even if you beg and moan and cajole and plead and send him a few bucks and he does meet with you, he’s going to be able to call all the shots then isn’t he, since it’s clear you need him more. No woman wants to end up in that kind of situation as it is rife for abuse. Protect yourself and your kids and just try and get over this guy.
There are MANY men (and women) on the net who prey on lonely single people. I would even venture so far as to say he may have simply lost interest in you, because you weren’t going to be able to give him what he was after – and I don’t mean a healthy relationship, since I don’t think that is what he was after. I think you should feel lucky that he *Wants* to move on.
it isn’t real. your mind is playing tricks on you. the only one in charge of your emotions is you.
wow u must really be lonely
That’s kind of creepy… why don’t you go for guys in your community I mean who knows what he’s hiding… and you’re allowing him to come to visit you when you have kids around… Dangerous situations
try and let him go. find somebody else. your to good for him anyways. he sounds like a jerk. let go.
Neither do I. Meeting him is not going to give you closure. It’s likely to make the situation worse. The guy wants someone in his life he can BE with. You aren’t that someone. Be friends and let him go so he can have a relationship. You should do the same.
Honestly sometimes the people you met online is not who you expect them to be when you see them in person probably he’s afraid if be rejected by you that’s the only reason that is don’t want to meet.
Your in love with a computer, the whole "relationship" is as real as a dream. You could have an online relationship but at the same time how do you know if he wasn’t screwing some other girl? You’ve spent two years of your life chasing down something so unreal. Because if you both loved one another you would have been met AWHILE AGO!. Let go of what you had and go forth with your life. You don’t need to stress over a man, an online man at that. You have your child to worry about and they should be your priory. Let go off your labtop or desktop and dont get online for awhile.. changed your screen name and dont IM him or email him…
if you need to talk to someone, Im here.. i’m a good reader and i give great advice.. =) being real…
Your kids are 18, they still are a factor because they need there mom and want there mom to be healthy. It seems like your to stuck on this whole online relationship.. It’s not real.. WAKE UP, this is reality not some fictional online relationship. Remember anyone can be anyone online… But they have secerts, that they dont even tell you.. So in reality you dont really know him..
Dont fool yourself.. Let it go mama.. Really!!! Your the one who can’t let go. But not can i nor anyone else try to convince you that this is computer love.. You are set on your ways and you are being too stubborn to listen to reason. Ask a family member what they think and i bet they’ll tell you it’s just someone in front of a computer pretending to be Prince Charming… Your a grown woman.. Pick yourself back up and get on with your life. This is not the first time you’ve been hurt and it wont be the last.
Then live and learn.. If he doesn’t want the money to come see you or just for you go to see him, then he has something to hide… You can webcam all you want with him and all that stuff (if you’ve done it, you might have..LOL) but if doesn’t want to invest on seeing you or vise-versa… Then get yourself out of that "Relationship" it’s not healthy…
It is not real! An online relationship is a fantasy, a play to your mind, heart, and emotions. When I went through my divorce I was in the same situation. My finances were collapsing, but I was lonely and wanted some friendship. Over a period of several years, I fell in love with a couple girls on the internet whom I talked with the same way you are describing. I couldnt afford to even meet anyone or go out on dates, etc. I felt the same emotional turmoil you felt, but later on a realized it wasnt real. Unless you meet someone in real life and have a relationship, it’s all mind games. It’s an artificial form of a relationship. Finally 5 years ago I stopped chatting or looking for some internet thing and met a real woman from a dating service (from overseas). I met her, spent several weeks together, got engaged, and now we are married with a 3 year old daughter! This is real! I still have some fond memories of talking to those girls for those couple years, but I know it was only an internet thing. You get over it quickly, but you have to first let go! The pain won’t last! Get control of your emotions and find something real! You can do it, theres a whole world out there!