It’s been 6 months, he still will not let our relationship go…?
I was in a relationship for 3 years and 90% of the time was not a pleasant experience. He was abusive (physically and emotionally) and hurt me emotionally in almost all the ways possible. I finally woke up 6 months ago and I decided enough was enough and I ended the relationship. He has not come to terms with our breakup and he calls me constantly for whatever excuse to talk to me. He will show up at my door, he was leaving lots of notes and roses and now occasionally will leave a note. He is extremely jealous/possessive and I can’t even be interested or date anyone because of this. I still love him and care about him, but I will never be in a relationship with him ever again. He said that he ruined the relationship with his behavior but I stopped his trying to re-establish a relationship. Basically I gave up in his eyes. I didn’t try my best according to him. I was always there for him, day and night. He owes me a large sum of money and I sacrificed many things (including one year of school) so I could make him happy. I worked two jobs to support him and his family in their times of need. I am now focusing on myself, school and family and friends. I’m only 21 and this is the only serious relationship I’ve been in and it was quite traumatic. Now for some reason he has switched it to where I am the selfish one who doesn’t have the time or desire to see him, when all through the relationship I had to practically beg him for his attention and time and love, which I didn’t receive. He tells me that he loves me and tells me all the things I wanted to hear 3 years ago. He hasn’t gotten mad in the past 6 months and has been respectful (except for trying to make passes/moves on me) and pleasant…but I still don’t trust him and apparently that’s MY issue. I don’t know what to do. I know that I won’t ever date him again and I’ve told him that. He is very needy and I think he doesn’t want to let me go because I am the only person that has ever helped him with anything he has needed. I think he relies on me too much and now that I am not with him, he doesn’t know how to handle it on his own. I wish we could just be friends, but with my resentment and his unwillingness to move on I don’t think that’s possible. I would hate to get a restraining order b/c he is my first love and that would be hard. Am I being a cold, hard person because I can’t just forget the past and move on with him. He said if I truly had loved him, I would be able to be with him like he is able to be with me. I need some input from other people because I am so confused if what I feel is okay.
I was so scared to speak my mind in the relationship that I buried my feelings. I find that now when I see him and he is calm, I will let my feelings out and I get so livid. I don’t know why I didn’t get mad until after we broke up. Is it wrong of me to be mad at him? I need help to move on and be happy. I want him to be happy too, and it kills me because I can’t give him what he wants, but I figure he asked for it with his inappropriate behavior.
Sorry so long…thanks for taking the time to read my story and offer advice. God bless! <3
Tags: 3 years, desire, excuse, family and friends, jobs, many things, relationship, roses, selfish one, serious relationship, sum of money, T Amp
Love should make you feel sure and secure not only with the person your with but especially with yourself. Love is a compliment to who you are not a description of who you are. This kind of love is unhealthy and not real. Let it go, let him go forever. Change your numbers tell him firmly your days of trying are over. You were not the one who ended it; it was him with his behaviour. A leopard does not change his spots no matter what the camouflage. You need to love yourself first and foremost. A healthy relationship with someone inspires you to grow within yourself. An unhealthy one drains and impairs you from becoming all that you can be.
You’re going to have to get a restraining order, even if you’d rather not. The only thing it does, is allow you quick access to police, and heavy tolls for him if he bothers you, and you call in on it. (And if there’s been abuse, then it’s even more likely that this would go in your favor.)
He sounds like he is continuing to be possessive, because that was how he was used to treating you. He is still interfering with your ability to have a happy, normal life.You CANNOT let this continue. It is absolutely unhealthy.
And yeah, maybe he does realize the kind of hole you left, and is being desperate. He needs to become his own person just as much as you do, it seems.
He is lashing out and blaming you because he is hurt. It is hard to just let things go for him because it was a 3 yr relationship and he’s not the one who wants to break up. I would tell him that you have already been down that road with him and it did not work. It is too late for apologies. Try being polite, but lay it out flat with no maybe’s or if’s. Make it clear that you will not date him again. If that doesn’t work then get rude with him. Sometimes people don’t understand until you get rude with them. Oh and u r doing the right thing by bettering and concentrating yourself