How Can I make my wife fall in love with me again after an affair??
Please anyone out there help me!!!! Let me begin by saying that I am very sorry and ashame for what I have done. I did have an affair on my wife of 17 years. After she found out about a year and a half ago, she moved out of the house and filed for divorce. We have two kids 15 and 16 years old girl and boy. MY kids stayed with me by their own choice. I have begged my wife for forgiveness all this time. We went through some marriage counsoling for a while but she did not want to go any more. We did see each other on and off while she was away and we did make love a few times here and there, there after. I had some issues with the kids and keeping them on line so after we talked she moved back home for the sake of the kids. She sleeps on a separate room and she has been back for the past seven months. While she has been back we have still seen each other , have been intimate many times, but she does not want to commit or let the kids know about us, what can I do. I love her !!!!!
Tags: 17 years, divorce, Fall In Love, forgiveness, Love Affair, marriage, marriage counsoling, old girl, sake, seven months
try your best to make it very clear that the person you had the affair with had no value to you. I don’t know if you are the type to go out, but now is a good time to remain around, be available for her in every aspect, and really show her that you love her. I doubt that she is concerned with the idea that you don’t love her, but I am more than sure that trust is the reason she won’t commit to you. Gaining those lines of communication and trust are necessary to move on. I am assuming you have discussed why you cheated, and no matter how vulnerable it makes you feel, let her know what you were thinking and how you do have regrets. I do think that there is a chance to salvage the relationship, especially if you are making every effort you can to right the wrong you have done.
She still loves you but she’ll never trust you ever again. Give her lots more time, ALOT more time, don’t you owe her that?
Be patient
even though you regret your affair and you are ashamed of it, its easier for you to get over it than what it is for her.
Youve been together based on trust, love etc and now that trust has gone it may not come back again.
Whats a relationship without trust?
When you first met your wife you courted her before getting married. You may now have to start at the beginning again and try courting her all over again, going out on dates again etc.
Haven’t you heard, "Hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned" . Since you were the one who acted out, you have to be patient with her. If you really want her back, you have to rebuild the trust, if this is possible. You just have to wait. Hopefully, you have learned just how damaging having an affair is.
i have the same problem but the only real answer your going to get is whats inside your heart if you really love her. Its not that shes not in love with you anymore i can almost gurantee that she is still in love with you but she is ashamed that you did that to her she is probly thinking what am i not good enough for him and can i not tend to your needs. you know what if its meant to be then it will fix itself just give it time really thats all you got!!! you know what i mean well good luck with it i hope my advice can help you out somewhere along the line.. signed James M
Affairs are a result of needs that are not being met and the fear of bringing up those needs to a spouse. (people choose to go outside of their marriage to have these needs met as opposed to being open and honest with their spouse) The thought process is that it’s less painful to go elsewhere or that they have “tried” to talk it out, but to no avail.
If you approach her about your MUTUAL needs and have an open and non-judgmental discussion about them, you can build back a foundation of trust and respect.
Stop apologizing and get to the root of the problem.
Let me just start by saying, Bravo!. Right now i am the wife that was cheated on but my husband is by no means trying to make me feel better. So I will let you know what the ideal will be if my husband wanted to make things up for me. Not all women are the same but maybe you can use/learn something from what i have to say.
What i miss the most is the casual touch, holding of my shoulders as he walks behind me, touching my hand while sitting.
Then comes full accountability,she doesnt trust you right now, so just let her know what you are doing every single second of the day. Do you remember when you were young and dating (or newly weds) and you called her 3/4 times from work just to hear her voice… do the same.
Come home with a flower, i repeat flower… not 12 red roses. If you over do it she will wonder what it is you are up to. Just get home and give her a flower.
Say something nice to her everyday… please do not comment on how delicious dinner was, that is appreciated but not under these circumstances. Tell her how nice her hair looks, or how flattering the dress his… and do it once every single day.
Say thank you, for everything!!!!!, most men think that by getting married they dont have to thank their wives for anything anymore!..
Ask her about her friends, show some interest for her life (not your life together, her life.
Do not ask for anything in return, and give her time….Probably the one question in her mind right now is “How could the man i trusted the most do this to me?”…
You have apologized, now wait, be good and patient.
….. I hate to finish my posting this way but i wanted to post something of my own and i cant find the way to do it, please someone enlight me
I bought the magic of making up book a while ago so i assume it shall not be a problem in case the blog is “exclusive to clients”…
Anyway hubby!!!.. good luck and remember she probably loves you, she is just disgustingly pissed off at you!