Did I ruin us getting back together because hes mad at me?
After 3 months of being separated my husband and I are getting back together. I had some issues that I finally worked on and got worked out and he saw this and now wants to get back together. He’s been telling me he loves me and he can’t wait for our future but about a month ago he cheated on me. I forgave him finally and we talked and decided to work on us. Well, hes been finally back to how he used to be. Love-able, sweet and always wanting to talk to me, protective, and just amazing. But yesterday on our way back home he didnt have his cell phone and he was sitting in back so i gave him my phone and my friend texted me and he found out i told her that he cheated and he was really mad. shes one of my best freinds and i told her, another bf, and my mom… other than that no one. But do you think this is gonna affect him wanting us? He hasn’t talked to me at all today.
Tags: bf, cell phone, freinds, love, mom
Part of being a married woman is knowing when to remain silent. I understand we need outlets..however, consider his feelings and embarrassment to his indiscretion. If he went around telling his friends, ex’s and parents about something horrible you did…you wouldn’t like it. Marriage is sacred and in most cases, it should be private. One of the things I regret most when I was married…was talking and telling too much. Learn from this sweetheart and move forward.
So he’s the one who did wrong, and he’s mad because you didn’t keep it a secret? Frankly, I’d be hoping he leaves for good. He’s not much of a man, is he?
depends on the guy… did he cheat when you were together or separated? Were the terms of your break clearly defined as to whether or not you would be faithful? There is no clear answer to this question but if he thinks that you’re gonna run your mouth about every screw up he has then it may effect the relationship… or he may just do the same to you to see how you like it.
And what do you mean by "another bf"? Were you seeing someone else too or do you mean a guy friend?
He is mad because he is ashamed of himself.
He cannot reasonably expect you to have shouldered the burden of this terrible revelation by yourself. If you can’t trust him to be faithful, and you aren’t even allowed to turn to those closest to you in your time of need when HE lets you down, does this man really deserve you?
HE is the one in the wrong here – not you. Do not let him weaken you by acting angry to make you back down and compromise. You have done noting wrong. All you have done is seek comfort in those closest to you when he let you down.
If he doesn’t want you confiding in others, then he needs to step up to the plate and become dependable. He needs to be everything you need him to be.
Don’t make his issue your issue. He cheated on you!!! It takes a lot of concerted effort to overcome that breach of trust. The reason he is mad is because he was found out by someone besides you. People don’t like it when their true character is exposed. I think you need counseling before you get back together because you are much more hurt than you think. He is going to have to prove to you that he can be trusted which doesn’t even appear even to be on his radar yet?!!
It could, depending on how much you said. And who the others told and how much they said…. you see how that goes? It isn’t uncommon for people who are separated to date, and it isn’t uncommon for them to have sex with the people they date, because who knows? The world could blow up tomorrow and there they would be – dead without that one last ****.
Seriously, I don’t know anyone whose husband has cheated on them who DIDN’T tell someone. Sure he is all embarrassed to think that they all know, but that falls under the heading "CONSEQUENCES". Ideally, he will realize that and get over it. But if he doesn’t, well, you will also be learning about the consequences of sharing the info with your bffs and your mom.
Maybe you can both take a few steps back and re-think your relationship and start working things out, because it doesn’t appear that you were really ready to get back together after all.
Good luck.
He did it and not you.
The fact that he feels entitled to be angry with you shows that he is more concerned about his public appearance than with his remorse or need to stabilize his favor with you.
How dare he interfere with your support network! He fails you and he betrays you and removes from you a huge support and then you are not allowed to reach out to get a grip from others? Who does he think he is?
He thinks he is entitled to put you in an unstable position without support and that you are supposed to sit there and endure it until he decides to restore you.
Drop the weasel. He cannot be trusted. He knows that and that is why he did not want anyone else to know it. How can a deceitful person operate without a good mask? Your support network threatens him. He needs you alone and isolated so he can violate you for his pleasure at his convenience. Damn, now everyone will be watching. There goes his game.
So what was the agenda here. Get you all back in place and then do it to you again. Ah ha ha ha. What a sucker you would be. Would that not be SOOOO much fun for him. Now, he realizes that you have eyes watching him. He will not get away with it again so easily. Awwww. His fun is all spoiled.
Get clear of him.
And do not let him make YOU feel guilty and responsible to hold his actions and clean up his past and make the way for him to do it again easier. He is pissing all over you.
The fact that you feel guilty shows how undermined your sense of self esteem is.
Angry? This idiot is ABUSIVE.
If he were truly remorseful he may have asked for an opportunity to apologize to your friend for having hurt you as she obviously also was hurt by his actions when he hurt you. To become angry is just obscenely arrogant.
You may wish to start educating yourself on abuse.
No woman who is physically abused is not first verbally abused. Unexpected angry outbursts and fits of withdrawal and forms of abuse and they escalate.
He has violated your boundaries with the affair.
Now he is violating your boundaries with his anger.
He is violating your boundaries by turning you against yourself. Why are you the one feeling guilty.
He is good at what he does – abuse.