How to deal with the pain of a breakup? Complicated!?
I really need some advice, i found out last week that my gf of 5 years cheated on me… like full wack slept with someone else in a hotel they rented. I am hurting so bad and none of the advice ppl give me seems to apply to me.
Everyone i’ve told so far has just offered to beat up the guy or help trash her car or something similar but i didnt want to do that!
Im only young (22) which means i’ve shared most of the best years of my life with her, and even though i’m sure my love for her has turned to hate i still believe that she is almost perfect. Believe me though i will never go back to her, i just need some help dealing with it. Shes beautiful, funny and good to talk to. We have mainly the same friends to, so i KNOW im gonna have to watch her get with an endless list of blokes in front of me. I know the usual response to a break up is to go out to town and hook up with some randoms, this is another thing that i didnt want to do for two reasons. The first is that as i’ve said, she is nearly perfect and i’ve never met a girl like her before so i (although shallow i know) don’t want to just get with some other girl as i feel their just not as good as her. The second reason is that im SERIOUSLY lacking self confidence right now and just dont think i can chat up a girl anymore.
Theres so many issues i just dont think i can deal with, like i know shes gonna be sleeping with this guy straight away, regardless of what it will do to me.
She has spent the last 4 weeks (she tells me it was bout 4 weeks ago) telling me how much she loves me and wants to move in with me and yadda yada, also she joined a gym a few weeks ago… so thinking about it in hindsight i can see she was setting up for this but im just so confused about how and why she can treat me with such disrespect, she was my best friend. It makes it so much worse to think that they actually arranged to get a hotel for sex, then she carried on seeing and sleeping with me for weeks.
I’m just hurting so bad, every single second of the day im in literal pain. I dont know what to do, I’m not interested in making her suffer like i am right now, but i need some sort of closure or reason or something!!! Its driving me nuts cos i know what ever happens in the coming months shes never going to feel as bad as i have. I want to share my pain with her, make her see that shes literally ruined me as a person. I also know shes going to forget bout it after a week and settle down to being a slag and getting around a bit. Please help someone , im in such a dark place right now i cant take it.
You guys are saints, im not joking i have started crying from the thought that there are some decent people left that are prepared to give up their time to help me. Thank you so much, im gonna try my best.
Tags: best friend, best years of my life, blokes, disrespect, Friends, gf, hindsight, love, ppl, randoms, self confidence, shallow, trash, wack, years of my life
Seriously man, you got it ROUGH!!!! I truly pity you. I know a lot of people don’t like to think about religion espc. at atime like this but I am talking from personal experience…. Get to know a guy named Jesus. And i am not talking about being a good church person. Just a relationship….it’s easy, and having faith in someone else other than yourself and your shaky emotions right now can give you some shred of sanity.
I want to encourage you to think about it. I know it sounds wierd but faith is an amazing thing that takes more guts than feeling sorry for yourself or feeling like there is no tomorrow. Try it. what do you have to lose??
And trust me, what you have gained from this really hard experience is going to make you even more attractive to girls because you are obviously a sensitive caring man. What chick can’t resist that?? =)
your world is soo small at that age..especially if you have been commited to just one girl. live a little before making a decision. Time will heal you!
there’s no definite answer for this but i really feel bad for you dude. if i were you, i’d hang out with my friends as much as possible and try to do things that will make me forget quicker. i know you probably don’t wanna forget but it’ll make you feel better. i’m sure your friends will be more than happy to listen to you and help you through this tough time.
good luck and feel better!
Keep yourself busy, if you can’t sleep do something, read, keep a journal and rip up the pages every few days. Get out and try to not talk about the ex, cause if you meet a new flame that is the biggest turnoff. Not all [people are the same, be glad chickadee did this before you married or had kids. Realize that she is only one chick in the world and there are oh so many better ones than that.
This a part of life.Every body gets cheated on.Be a bounce back person.Never let anybody take your joy away.Life it too short to be bitter all the time.Yeah you get knocked down but its how fast you bounce back.My only advice I can give you is be around your family and friends.Do things that make you happen.Move forward and let the past be the past.Good Luck
Hun, listen. Even though you don’t want to go out there and meet other ladies you will have to. Start doing it just for the fun of it no strings attached. You have to force yourself you know why? because the alternative isn’t pretty. I chose the alternative, I chose to stay home an cry every tears in my body, and I chose to feel bad about myself, I chose to think about him instead of looking for someone else, I chose to say ‘no’ to all the blind dates my friends wanted to put me up with cause no one in the world could be like him, no man could be the one like I thought he was…. and here I am 5 years later, still alone, miserable as can be cause ‘he’ got remarried today. He went on with his life and I haven’t and my only reward is loneliness.
Here is what your said.>"i didn’t want to do for two reasons. The first is that as i’ve said, she is nearly perfect<"
The key word here is "perfect. No one is perfect not even "nearly".
I am glad you found out what she is really like. This will help you deal with the future. The best way to predict what someone will do in the future is look at their past. This alone should disgust you. Yes you had an emotional attachment to her however if you will learn to look at the situation in truth instead of making excuses by saying she is perfect, then ands only then can you begin to heal. It takes time and in that time you will have to separate yourself from places she goes and perhaps the people she associate with. Why hurt yourself worse by being around people and places that remind you of what you "thought" she was like. I reality she is nothing like what you had her built up to be. Love yourself enough to stop punishing yourself about her. I have been cheated on too and its very difficult to deal with. It wasn’t until I learned to see that person differently and in fact the way the REALLY are that I got over them. The cheating at the motel is just one that you know about. There may be more.
I’m so sorry that you have to experience this pain. In your eyes she was the perfect person, although her actions showed otherwise…she’s not perfect. It’s important to experience both the joys of a relationship and the sorrow of one too to fully understand yourself and what it is that you really need from someone. It will take some time getting yourself used to the idea that she was only in your life for whatever amount of time you spent together, but this is not the end of the world. Don’t go out looking for another person right now because you will always find ways to compare them to her and you will always find fault in these other girls. Give yourself a chance to breath and regroup and know with certainty that you will run into ‘the one’ when you’re not looking. God Bless You and know that my prayers go out to you for some peace and calmness of spirit!
This sucks and I am sorry for the position you are in.
You need some closure, then I suggest that you cut a ll ties with her. Love or not. One thing that is just going to prolong your hurt is talking to her everyday, seeing her everyday, watching her hook up with guys that you have known for a long period of time or seeing her with that slim ball that she cheated on you with. WHY put yourself through that?
There is no cure all here. This is going to take some time, but the sooner you remove yourself from that game the faster you will heal. And hun, she is NOT perfect. You have just spent the last few years with her and you are very comfortable with her. That time has past.
You are young, and the BEST years of your life have not been spent. As much as this hurts, you need to grab your sack, tell her to fuck off and move on. Someone that really loved you, would not have done something so intentional. And you need to realize that.
Dude, I’m not saying this because I’m a pothead, but because I went through the same thing.
Go spark up a joint. It does wonders. Just keep it between yourself and any close friends. It keeps your mind away from things you know are unhealthy for you to be thinking about, like how much you love her.
Light up a nice one, sit in a lawn chair in your front yard and just stare at the stars, I can pretty much guarantee 100% that the next morning, you’ll wake up and feel so much better. You’re probably better off anyway bro.
I mean, think. Imagine if you never found out. You could have spent another 5 years with someone that was really unfaithful to you. It’s better now than later I say.
And in case this is your first time and you don’t wanna get into it like me [I smoke at least 5 joints a day], buy some good shit, make it count.
So, best of luck to you man, I’m pullin for ya. Time heals all wounds, and some bud is like taking a shortcut.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. No, you shouldn’t beat up the guy or trash her car. That would be immature, and would not help you feel any better. You also should not go sleep with random girls. That is degrading to you as well as to them. The best I can tell you is that time does heal. Go out, find yourself a hobby you can get immersed in, and go for it. Find something to do to keep your mind occupied, and in time, it will get better and you will find someone worthy of you. You sound like a great guy who deserves much better than what has been handed to you.
Falling in love is an experience like no other. It can make us view the person we love as the center of our world. To one in love the person they love is the most beautiful, the most funny, the perfect person. No one can take this image out of your head, only time can. No matter what anyone else says, you will think "they just don’t know her the way I do". Love can make anyone blind. For the fact is, no one is perfect, we are all humans, and humans do make mistakes. You both met when very young, and the truth is, the odds of you and her being faithful for the rest of your lives was very poor to begin with. It takes a strong person to walk a faithful line away from temptation. She loved you and cherished you but because of her youth and inexperienced she was tempted to stray. I do not envy young lovers and I know no matter how much they love each other it will be difficult to stay faithful. Humans are just not satisfied until the sore their wild oats, men more than women. I know it hurts you and it is difficult for you to not see this as an end. But if you look at this as life’s lesson, then you may be able to see that it is not necessarily the end. Give her and yourself time to meet other people. For you, you may not be ready to do so right now, that is ok also, do so only when you are ready. You both need to go out and experience life and if life brings you both back in full circle then you both will at least by then be mature enough and ready to be in a committed relationship. Love hurts sometimes, that is the risk we all take. For now do all you can to move on and to forget. You never know what the future will bring, What you and her had was special, and I do not think love is done with you yet. Good luck to you!
Time will heal all wounds. There is no easy way to get over someone you’ve been with for so long; especially since she must have been your first and only love. I’m so sorry that she hurt you in such a painful way. She can’t take back what has happened no more than you can erase it. I hope she feels bad for what she has done. People do make mistakes; however. I would sit down and talk to her; ask her why she did this. Maybe she is feeling bad but knows she’s hurt you and isn’t sure how to approach you. Tell her exactly how you’re feeling. It’s so easy to forgive, but forgetting is impossible. I wish you the best of luck. If things don’t work out so that the two of you can get back together, then just cherish the memories that you have and remember this: NO ONE IS PERFECT!
the only thing i can tell you is this….and this is from experience as a female……..people can only see things from their own point of view, especially at that age. When I was around 21, I had the most perfect guy in the world, and I cheated on him. Not because he was lacking anything or that he was just this horrible person. He was the opposite. He was perfect, but I still cheated on him. For my own selfish reasons. In my mind I thought that it didn’t matter. I thought I could not get caught and if I did get caught, he wouldn’t go anywhere. You have to learn to give people room to make mistakes, because they are gonna hurt you. Sometimes people put themselves before you even when they love you, and when they put themselves before you, you end up the one being hurt and they dont think about it until after the fact. So I say this to say it says in the Bible to not put your trust in man, but in God because man will let you down. And when they let you down, you can only be mad with yourself. But if you give people the room to make mistakes, it will only sting a little, it wont hurt like you are now. Its kind of like you have to wear protective gear around your heart because you are the only one who is gonna take care of it the way you do and if you give it away, you need to make sure you have emotional insurance on it.