I want to know how my poems I wrote fair. What do you think of them?
I have never wrote any poems before or took any classes I’m a newb at writing them, I just wrote some for the person I loved to show her how she makes me feel. Here they are what do you think of them. feel free to say how you really think about them.
(POEM 1)
Can’t wait to see you again miss you already. Have a good night sleep. You mean everything to me and your brighten my life. You’ve been my rock when I was down, and my strength when I was weak, My honor when I was scared , and my lover then I am sad, Your the glue that holds my life together, you come pleat my heart, my soul mate, the one I chose to be my fiancée, and the one I picked to mother my children, the one I gave my life too and then one I’m going to marry, Your the joy of my life, you makes me so happy, I LOVE YOU JAMIE with all my heart. I’ll always be by your side to protect and love you for ever. MUAH! Thanks 4 being so special to me. you make my heard throb when I see you, You make me blush by just looking at me, I Love You Sweety Pie, with all my heart, I can’t wait 2 Marry u!
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(POEM 2)
Can’t wait to hold you hand and feel the love in your veins. feel your body agents mine and feel the heat that witch is out love!
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(POEM 3)
Your eyes are like the sky at dawn, Your smile is like the warming sun, Gazing at your hair is like seeing the first flower bloom on a string morning, The feel of your skin is like a breeze those a meadow, an my love for you Jamie is as big as the night sky! MY Love for you is never ending Jamie!
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(POEM 4)
Blue eyes as the ocean, A smile as the morning dawn, Hair like the first sign of string, Skin as fair as the night sky sparkling with billions of stars, A body formed of the perfect lady, and a fire the burns inside of you hotter then the sun its self.
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That’s my poemage! lol Feel free to say how you feel about them. Thanks for reading. Have a good one.
Tags: billions of stars, blue eyes, flower bloom, glue, good night sleep, heart, joy of my life, love poem, morning dawn, muah, newb, night sky, perfect lady, poem 1, poem 2, poems, Sad, sleep, soul mate, throb, veins, warming sun, witch
The good news is that you’re trying to find your poetic voice and have made an investment in time to do so. Also, you were brave enough to put personal poems up here for us to review.
Now…honesty continued: please understand that these comments are meant to be taken in a constructive way…they are meant to help you be a better poet. Poetry, like art, is the deliberate use of words, sounds, images, etc. If you use the wrong word because it sounds correct, that’s a called a "malapropism"…for example, "come pleat" instead of "complete", and "then" instead of "than". There are many cases of this in your poem, and the reason I bring them up is because you won’t find them with a spell checker…because the wrong word is spelled correctly, it’s just used in the wrong context…the same goes for "your" when you mean "you’re"…"you are", "too" when you mean "to". If you’re writing a love letter, it wouldn’t matter as much, but if you’re writing poetry, it matters a great deal, especially since sometimes the wrong word means the right thing and it’s used deliberately. Another thing to avoid is what we call "cliche"…or the use of a phrase considered too common, such as "you are my everything", or "my strength when I am weak". There is nothing wrong with the thought, but you need to find a new way to say it. Again, it’s fine for a love letter, but something to avoid in a poem. Another item…poetry is not text messaging…so avoid "2" when you mean "to".
The mistakes you make are very common for a new poet, so please don’t feel discouraged…we learn from our mistakes. Let’s look at specifics in each poem…poem 1: this is what we’d call a poetic narrative…but it reads too much like a letter, so it’s actually "prose", meaning that it isn’t poetry, even though it talks about feelings. Poem 2…"can’t wait to hold "your" hand…not "you" hand…and "against" not "agents"…and "which", not "witch"…and "our", not "out". This has poetic elements in it, but is more of a poetic phrase than a poem. Poem 3, probably the best poem, but watch out for "string morning", instead of "spring morning", "through a meadow" instead of "those a meadow", "and my love" instead of "an my love". Poem 4…"spring", not "string"…"than the sun", not "then the sun", and "itself" instead of "it self".
I know, it seems like a lot to take in…but you gave us 4 poems to review. Here’s more good news..chances are with a little editing, your love will only see the good in your poems, even if all you do is correct your word use and spelling. She just wants to know how you feel…she’s not a critic of your poetry, just your love. If you want to improve on your poetry, I’d recommend you pick up a book on how to write poetry…keep it simple (even "I" have a copy of "poetry for dummies"…it’s actually a pretty good reference) and try your hand at it once in awhile…post one poem at a time and listen to the feedback that tries to show you what worked and what didn’t. You’ve done the hardest part in moving ahead as a poet…you’ve written a few poems and had the guts to put them out there…don’t stop now…keep writing.
Keeping this short
I like the third and fourth
More detail
More appealing
More imagery
Good poems.
=]
READ these outloud to yourself to further appreciate the
youthfulnes and honesty. Also check typos and misspellings…
not important except when they get in the way of what
you really mean.
I have very much liked what you have here.
signed
Old old Bob.