I want to save my marriage but it seems so complicated.?
My wife and I separated a year and a half ago during a very rough period in our lives (financially), after eight years of marriage. We have two kids together and haven’t divorced yet. After about a year we started dating other people; we really could not see eye to eye and i was almost sure she hated me. I must also mention that i could not stomach seeing my children around her choice of new "friends". ? Yes, they hang out with our kids..
Just a couple of weeks ago I finally came to accept my share of the fault and mistakes in our marriage. I have realized that we turned down help and advice from friends and family and I now regret very much that we did not give it a chance. Since we have gotten over our tension towards each other, we’ve discussed the possibility starting over. I feel that I do not love her anymore even though I care about her very much that I am willing to truly give it a second chance, she tells me that she feels the same way about me. The other reason is that we just miss our kids and having a family too much, even though we have shared custody 50/50. I fear that we are feeling this way because we hate being alone and if things do not work out, of course our kids are going to be disappointed and affected emotionally. Where do we start, should we start dating again? seek counseling? or are we setting ourselves up for failure?
Has anyone had a similar experience?
Tags: counseling, eye to eye, failure, friends and family, marriage, rough period, second chance, Stomach, tension
My husband and I are in a great marriage class. The book that the class is centered around is called, "His Needs Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage" by Dr. Harley. The book is wonderful! It tells you how to get that love back that you had when you first got married and how to stay happily married and fix any problems you have. Love is a choice and you can learn to love her again. If you start investing time into her you’ll start to love her again. You have to do it the right way though. This book shares how to do that. I think it would definitely help you guys out! If you want to take the class on it here’s the website. http://www.familydynamics.net/dynamicmarriage_map.php Then click on "find a class in your area". I think this class will be life changing! I think for the sake of the kids you guys should read the book and make up your minds to make the marriage work. Marriage is a choice. Do you want to do regular tune ups like you would a car or do you want not to do anything and get a divorce (or blow up your engine if it was a car). Marriages aren’t easy and they don’t get better on their own. It takes determination not to sleep in separate beds, throw wedding rings at each other or whatever… I wish you the best! Oh and a marriage counselor might be nice b/c it would allow you guys to have a safe place to talk things out so each of you is heard and the counselor can offer great advice.
If love is absent, I would not consider getting back together, because soon afterward you will be right back at square 1 – separated yet again.
I would ease yourselves in slowly, date each other and see what happens as a result of that. If it turns out that you are only meant to be friends, then so be it – at least you have taken a positive step to eliminate hostility between you. You may fall in love again but who knows, only time will tell
Counselling wouldn’t hurt either. Good luck
i know how you feel im about to finalise divorce and the closer it gets the more i wonder should we have tried harder…..we both were at fault and i know i was miserable..i dont love him anymore, he got a girlfriend too soon after we seperated, i still havent been with any1 as i believe despite us not being together, i am still in the eyes of god, married……i never wanted a divorce but he left me with no option and as it looms closer i have the same feelings as you, what if this what if that…i know he would be willing to give it another go but i think there is just too much at stake when you have kids. if in doubt dont, thts what i say, your kids have prob been through a hard time with 1st seperation why put them through another 1???
as for dating eachother again??? why if you dont love eachother and are only doing this as you miss the family set up???
it sounds like you have good access to our children so why not leave it at that…and also if there is no love left and you both have been with other people whats to say you wont cheat on eachother???
it sounds like a recipie for disaster….
but good luck with whatever you decide
dating definitely !!! become her friend again, and that man she feel in love with by just listening and being there, and try to talk about the things you have missed, the good times had etc. the reason why you got married in the first place and how your only human and everyone makes mistakes.
ask the kids what they want, kids will never lie, ask them how they see their mom doing without you and other personal questions you would like to know about.
look at what you done wrong the first time around and look at how you can resolve it or prevent it from happening again. come up with something that you can abide to and will make everyone happy. set time apart for each other where you can be yourselfs do something that you both have in common and will make you feel young again.
Ask friends and family for their opinions but if you both are not willing to sacrifice things then dont get back together, nothing is worse then being a kid and seeing your parents fight, it creates pressure especially when your a middle man, and you cant tell anyone.