How do you heal and move on from a broken heart?
i fell in love w. my best friend a yr ago. We’ve always been close and never thought i saw him in that "way" but when we kissed, nothing was ever the same. I’m not the type to fall for anyone but after we had a thing, I KNEW. I couldn’t help it, i care and love this person so strongly and it’s never happened in my life.Then, we decided not to pursue b/c of timing and that’s where i thought we had left it. After that, we didn’t talk to each other. I was always concerned and tried to get a hold of him but never really got anything. The past few months, we’ve been talking and been hopefully becoming better friends. I started to become insecure this past week and found out he had been dating someone that didn’t work out and it was a sign that i needed closure. We FINALLY (after a yr) talked and I admitted everything to him. Turns out it was a situation of lost love that we both secretly wanted to be together, it just didn’t happen. It breaks my heart to know that someone i love and care about feels that way for someone else. He’s going through a tough time in life right now and i let him know i would be there b.c regardless, i sincerely care for him. As much as I am comfortable/okay at being friends, i’m still a mess.
I WANT TO BE WELL. There are time when i know i’m okay and have accepted things and are aware of what my friends are telling me but then there are times when i crash and burn and become affected. I’m thinking positive and am getting used to the mentality of "not caring"/analyzing about him but it’s hard. I want to be there for him but I’m more important right now, it’s about me.
I need to focus on my healthcare major, i want to do things that will boost my ego in a healthy way. I need to remind myself my value and worth. It’s hard. Sorry to be selfish but i think, why couldn’t he appreciate/like me? I’m a good person and know that there will NEVER be anyone who cares as much as I do. I need to get away from him and GET TO KNOW MYSELF AGAIN AND WHAT MAKES ME A PERSON WORTH LOVING. AM I ON THE RIGHT PATH?
it just hurts and annoys me when i go online and to see him say he misses that other girl….i don’t want to be a selfish person…and i don’t wish him ill but i really hope to God he realizes how much i really care for him…i’m not expecting anything from it but i just want him to be aware of how i’m not someone who wants him to "feel better"…i care about him unconditionally…I hope it hits him one day…
i feel like a loser b/c it’s been a yr and a half and i’m JUST getting closure NOW. He does care for me alot but he’s obviously done and over w. me…
Tags: being friends, best friend, broken heart, closure, crash, ego, good person, heart, love, mentality
Ever had someone twist your very heart from its cavern with only a couple of words, or worse just with an interminable silence? Ever had someone move on with their life as yours was left to founder? There is a way to laugh and love again.
Try to understand why you are upset. What exact moment did you feel upset?
Don’t think about whose fault it was- at one time or another, everyone makes mistakes. Don’t worry about it.
Do something quiet and relaxing to help you feel better. Maybe you want to take a hot bath, or meditate, or read a book. That’s fine.
In an hour, or two, or whenever you’re ready, start thinking about whether you are ready to accept the other person’s feelings.
If you are, go ahead, call them, write them a note, or whatever you need to do. Maybe you want to talk face-to-face. They may not be willing to see you, or talk to you, but you should make an effort. Even if they turn you down, you feel better that you tried, and maybe they’ll recognize that you made an effort.
Move on. When you feel you are ready to open your heart again, find someone else to be with.
Smile! Seriously, smiling makes you feel better and if you gather a few good, close friends and have a laugh together, you’ll remember how good life was without him/her and that you’re okay really.
Remember the 2-year rule. It takes 2 years to learn a new job, to get accustomed to a new town and to completely heal a broken heart. If you follow these steps without remembering this first, you will be overly optimistic and disappointed. Real results are obtainable when realistic expectations are set.
The moment he, she or it hammers the last drop of blood from your still loving/beating heart, stop arguing with that person or the fantasy voice of that person about how they are wrong and you are right. Everytime you catch yourself arguing your point in your own mind, just say stop and focus on something completely different.
Gather all the memories of that person and put them in a box, with the exception of 1 picture, one item of food, one item of smell association and one related music item. Then on the next occasion of significance (a Saturday night for example…when you would have normally been with your heartbreaker…put on the music, douse yourself in the scent of memory, eat the special food, turn the lights down low, and cry and rant and wail. You must be at the top of your voice and able to move around the room. Note it is best to do this when you are alone — see "how to act crazy" post.
Put away the memories. When you regain composure from step 2, put the remainder candy wrappers, music, item of smell memory in the box with the rest of the memory debris. Keep out the picture.
Every day for a week when you walk by the picture of your former beloved, say out loud, "Forget you and the horse you rode in on," or some other suitable invective and then catch yourself arguing with the memory and say stop. Say it out loud, be your filthy angriest self in these mutterings.
Every day for the second week when you walk by the picture of your former beloved, say out loud. I miss you, and then catch yourself arguing with the memory and say stop.
Every day for the third week when you walk by the picture of your former soul mate, say I am sorry out loud to the picture.
Replace the picture of your former dearest, with a picture of yourself. But keep the picture in the same place, just put a picture of you on top of it. Then every day when you walk by the picture, say I am sorry out loud to the picture. Yes you are apologizing to yourself for having gone that far around the bend for someone who didn’t know your value and worth, and who doesn’t matter anymore.
Let time heal. It has been one month now. Go to someplace where you used to go or be near your so-called one-true love and go there with a friend (not alone, this is important). Mention 1 time and 1 time only how you used to drink at this very bar or your used to fend off Mr or Mrs. Wonderful’s advances in that same back store room, mention it once only and then have a drink or file some papers, or do what ever you used to do, only now with a different person, preferably a comfortable friend who can smile knowingly then move the conversation forward.
Practice being honest to yourself every day.
Read a book every night before you go to sleep. You might never have read books, but nothing moves you outside of yourself better than a book, not a movie, not a music video, read a book. It will help you heal.
Start dating other people again and not be a raving lunatic after about 2 months.
Speak to people. Speak to friends. Try out forums online. Knowing that thousands like you are going through the same pain helps a lot.
Do not go on any dates with the person from whom you are trying to heal. This is not productive and will not lead to healing. There is no more closure. There is only healing.
When trying to heal do not accept phone calls and exchange flirty emails with the former object of your desire. This is also not productive and will only prolong the healing process.
You are not healing from the broken heart your sweetie caused, to become more attractive to that person or to win that person back. When you catch yourself in this thought process, eat ice cream. (Note: Ice cream can be substituted for long walks or long swims or rough games of squash or R-ball) but in no way is anything you are doing targeted to get that person back. There is no getting back. The point is to get forward.
Tell your friends once about your heartbreaking loss. If you cannot confine the discussion with your friends to one instance, confine the time spent discussing the gory details to no more than 1 hour actual time. You will need your friends later, so best to not wear out your welcome with them.
Do not eat too much, drink too much or do drugs to get over your broken heart, unless of course that is how you always act, in which case it is important to remember that a lot of things change in 2 years. If you can change your ideal of self-honesty and acceptance in those next two years for the better, then you will have better odds of finding someone who will want what you want at the same time as you want it. It’s all about timing really.
It really helps if you have good friends who can watch over you and prevent you from doing and/or saying something that you will end up regretting!
If you are feeling depressed or suicidal, talk to your doctor immediately!
If you do not recover in 2 years time, and it still hurts really bad, try moving towns.
Smart people who are psychologists will say, everyone heals at their own pace. The bruised and wounded heart makes one a more compassionate human, and it is that self-compassion which if nurtured will allow you to heal.
Well, if it didn’t happen, I guess It wasn’t meant to happen….second, if he still missing that other gilr, you better stay away because he is not ready for anything right now the only thing you can do is being a good friend to him and that’s all, I mean he will eventually realize how you feel but for now he needs to put order in his life, and well if he got away from you for a while I think it was for many reasons and one of it I think was because he was dating another girl, was confusd because probably he liked you too, but didn’t want to trash the friendship neither ruin his relationship with the other girl. I can relate to this cause I was in love with my best friend for like 7 years … then when we were finally being honest to ech other I left the country…anyways …he was also thinking of going out with another girl at the time because we didin’t admitt we liked each other earlier …so well what can I say it looks like he is not for you, you should focus on yourself, as for me after I felt like dying because all that …I met a guy in this new country and we’ve been together for more than 3 years… and what can I say…love comes in weird ways, things happen for a very good reason and at the end when you weren’t expecting it or when you don’t look for it, love comes… and it’s forever…
I have been best friends with this guy for almost 8 years now. We’re really close and at one point, I fell in love with him. So, I can relate to what you feel. It’s so frustrating seeing him chase another girl when I was there and what’s even more annoying is that he would flirt with me sometimes so I would hope but I know he doesn’t feel like that.
Anyway, first thing you have to keep in mind is that: you shouldn’t base your self worth on whether or not you have a man in your life. You are a person worthy of love and have something to give to others. If he can’t see that then someone will. Let go because you can’t force someone to love you. It has to be a decision they make.
Secondly, write down a list of your strengths and look at them when you are feeling depressed. Surround yourself with positive people who will be your support system.
Third, it will take time to get over someone but you WILL. Believe me. Right now my best friend and I are still best friends and I have moved on and gotten over my feelings for him. I now have a wonderful, loving, caring guy in my life. So, i guess, moral of the story is, when we keep on holding to something that is not for us then we won’t be able to have open hands to take what is meant for us.
Take care!
it`ll take a while, can`t just get over it like dat