How to cope with living with Mother in law to save my marriage?
My mother in law lives with us and she doesnt talk to me and just ignore me in my own house. I do respect her because his my husband’s mother but I feel really disrespected in my own house. I work from home and see her everyday. I tried being really nice to her and make some small talk but she will just ignored me like I dont exist. The only time she will talk to me is when she wants me to buy her some food. She only talks to my husband. His mom being around is causing stress in our marriage and I’m ready to walk away. What can I do to make my marriage work with mother in law in the picture?
my husband doesnt think there’s something wrong with his mother and told me just to understand his mother because she’s clinically depressed.
Tags: law lives, marriage, Marriage Law, marriage work, mom, mother in law, stress
You obviously need to have a serious talk with your husband. Tell him that you are truly worried about your marriage, and if he does not try to help improve the situation, you are thinking about leaving him. He needs to realize that you are not making idle threats and he needs to trust your judgment. He must present a united front with you and set rules and boundaries for his mother.You said that your mother in law is clinically depressed, so I assume she is on medication. You and your husband could also meet with her Doctor and see if the meds can be changed because they might not be working effectively.
just b/c she is depressed doesn’t give her an excuse to be rude/ignore you in your own home.
you should tell her that b/c she is living in YOUR house SHE needs to live by your rules which includes polite conversation with you and not ignoring you.
two words.
liquid drano.
It sounds like you have done what you can to get along with her. She is ungrateful and disrespectful and she needs to go. Your husband needs to tell her to go, if he won’t then he is putting her before his marriage
It could also be she is embarrass she has to living with you two. Just be respectful if you love your husband. She more and likely hatge to be a problmes for you. Most marriage has strain when parents have to move in. Good luck.
Why is your MIL living with you? You need to sit down with your husband alone and discuss the problems and look for solutions. You might even consider a little couple counseling (maybe talk to your pastor about the issues).
Sorry mother -in -law would not disrespect me in my own house..Sorry but she would have to go in a nursing home..
This is a very tough situation. I guess she has nowhere else to go. You can’t kick her out because put your self in your H’s shoes. What would you do if it was your mother and your H was you?
I know it is hard. Stressful and all but talk to your husband, talk to her psychiatrist and try to work something out.
K your mother in law is in you and your husband’s house, not her own. She needs to treat you with respect just like she treats her son with it. She has no right to disrespect you and "use" you for things she needs. I suggest you go to counseling and ask for some advice from a professional, also bring your husband along and make sure to communicate with him and let him know everything that is going on. Being clinically depressed does not give you the right to treat people like they are dirt. I really think you should get all your frustrations out and talk to your husband, seriously. Because if you don’t it is going to cause you to get fed up, which I think you are probably already at that point. I wish you all the luck in the world!
Why does it matter? How long is this arrangement? Is she there forever? If not, ignore her back. You don’t need to talk to her if she isn’t interested in talking to you. Don’t wait for her to ask you for food. buy her the food she needs and keep it moving. You don’t need to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t want one with you.
I think your husband may know that your mother in law doesn’t like you and is sparing your feelings by not telling you. It shouldn’t cause you any stress in your marriage.
It’s a sad way to live but it will spare your sanity and your marriage if you just ignore her too. If she is supposed to live there forever, then you need to sit down with her and your husband and explain how you feel. If he takes her side, then leave the two of them to each other and move on.
Leave her alone. Maybe she’s not interested in small talk, especially when you’re supposed to be working. Just because she’s not interested in small talk doesn’t mean she’s disrespecting you. It’s possible that she was raised not to share her feelings, and if she’s depressed, it’s even less likely that she’s willing to share her feelings or discussion with anyone.
I don’t think it’s disrespect. I think you just don’t understand clinical depression. Just let her do her own thing and as long as she picks up after herself, don’t press the conversation issue.
If his mother is depressed and he knows it, then he should also know that there is a problem ! Personally, I do not think he is being quite fair with you !
If this does not get resolved you may end up resenting her presence soon !
Give your husband an ultimatim.,Her or me. I know this sounds harsh but if your husband loves you he’ll find some where else for her to live so the drama goes away . Inlaws can put a real damper on more than just your marriage. Tell your husband shes had 18 years to raise you. Now who do you want to be married to me or her.
Tell your husband that his mother is putting you in a depressed state if all he worry is about his mother’s feeling. Your husband need to listen to you too since you are the one who’s around her most of the time and you are his wife.
Why do you even keep bothering to have a small talk or conversation with her when she doesn’t wants one. I will do the same, by ignoring her too. If she wants to have a conversation with you, let her start, not you. You have tried to be nice, but she’s not then stop trying. Since your mother in law act like you doesn’t exist, you do the same thing. Maybe after a while she will talk to you. If she start to complain to your husband by ignoring her, well tell your husband you have tried and you got tired or trying and that he wasn’t any of help.
Is she really clinically depressed? If she is, confront the issue. Speak to her, and when she doesn’t answer, say "I am sorry you are clinically depressed. The next time you see your psychiatrist, do you think you could mention to him or her that you refuse to talk like a civil human being to your daughter in law? You really do need to work on that, because you’re being very rude to me in my own house, and that’s not very nice of you. "
Say it with a smile, but say it like you mean it.
Honey, don’t tiptoe around your own house. Don’t get mad, either. You keep being yourself, and if she refuses to cooperate and get the spirit, give her as much concern as you would a pet cat. After all, you wouldn’t modify your behavior for a cat, now, would you?
Make sure she understands she doesn’t have the power to make you feel bad. If you have to come right out and say that, do it.
Also make sure she understands that if anyone leaves, it’s her, not you, and you’re not putting up with her nonsense. Any time she engages in drama, CONFRONT IT. You don’t have to get MAD, though, in fact, being light and humorous is much better.
Say, for example, you say good morning to her and she gives you the silent treatment. Say "Unless you tell me otherwise, I am going to assume that when you give me the silent treatment, that means you’re constipated/flatulent/whatever" you might think will get her goat. But don’t get MAD. You get mad, she wins. Kill her with kindness and GLEE–she’ll start to realize that her pouting, petulance and silence aren’t having the desired effect.
Also, next time she asks you to go get food, you look her in the eye and tell her, straight up, that you expect her to be a little more CIVIL if she expects you to run errands for her. And then, take your time about getting that food.
Good luck, that has to be a lousy situation–but don’t let it get to you. Keep telling yourself it is HER PROBLEM, not yours.
Also, tell your husband that unless he wants clinically depressed mama to be the only woman in the house, he’d better start having your back. And if mama isn’t seeing a shrink, that is the FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS.
Respect yourself, girl–that way, no one can disrespect you.
You need to take your husband away from home for a few hours alone and talk this out. Make him understand that depression or not, his mother is disrespecting his wife. Ask him how he’d react if one of his friends ignored you like that. Would he still make excuses, or would he defend you?
And tell him how much this is bothering you. Tell him that you feel like you’ve become unwanted in your own home.
I would also recommend that you don’t accept this crap from his mother. If she ignores you, ignore her in return. If she wants something, she has to be nice to you, or she can do it herself. She’s not a guest, she’s living there, so she should be expected to contribute. If there’s something you need from her and she ignores you, make an issue of it. Be a bit rude if you need to, but don’t let her just ignore you.
Now the scary part: If your husband is half the momma’s boy I suspect he is, you’re never going to win here. But you need to look after yourself, so if your husband is willing to let you go for the sake of his mother, that’s his decision. If things don’t improve, and you decide you have to leave, don’t feel bad about it. Just don’t give up quickly, try everything you can.
Good luck.
she loves her son
thats all
remember in youth we used to fight with our siblings for other stuff
and this thing also happened in old age when u have nothing else in your life exceopt your child who has grown that much big that he can start his own life. this make the older person jealsous as it was she who raised him from 2.5 pound to a big man
just think of her as a child and there will be no problem
I can understand ur situation very well…Am a professionally qualified gal working at a very high repute post. I married to a guy who is eually techniucally qualified but his father and mother are not.They r staying with us since they dont hav their own home. Its not an issue sinc inspite of that i respect them a lot. I have tried every bit of wat other people have mentioned but its of no use. I have talked to my husband countless no of times but no use. i have even told my mother in law that i cant cope with this house hold stress as i have my own issues at work to deal with but no body cares..I am telling u all this becoz i need to make u undertsand that we all are on same platform.I wud suggest u to concentrate urself on ur career. Study and study so that at least the persons who love u ..that is ur parents will be at least proud. And dont live for those who dont seem to care that u live.
All the best..