How do I save my marriage? My husband packed my bags and threw me out when I admitted my infertility?
I admitted two nights ago to my husband, I slept with someone else twice (see my previous two questions for the back story, not going to retype it again) and screwed up. I prayed he would understand and give our marriage a go but instantly flew into a rage and made me sleep on the couch.
The next morning, he had packed my bags and clothes were all thrown into boxes and he said I best be gone when he gets back. So I had to go my sisters and today I called to talk reason with him and he said hes filing for divorce. I am heartbroken beyond words and wish I could repair my marriage. I was in a low place when I slept with my brother in laws best friend and I know I screwed up. I was just heartbroken over a series of fights me and my husband had and the lack of attention he has given me over the last two months (we married in November 2009). I just hate to think I am now going to 20 (my birthday in Saturday) and a divorcee’.
Anyone got any advice? Like how I can make my husband see that I love him still and want to form a family with him? I have thought about working on my 6 year old stepdaughter but he has refused me from ever seeing her again and I loved that girl like she was my own and now my world has come crumbling down.
If I get divorced, I will lose my whole stable world. My family is far aware and we had carved a life together. I will not get a thing out of this because my adultery will be used against me and he owns his house legally. So can anyone help me save my marriage to my soul mate?
I already feel guilty enough. My husband has made it clear hes heartbroken after providing me with so much and being faithful to me.
And DO NOT tell me I am too young to be married. I love my husband and thats all that matters. My question is not related to my age but a call for advice. If you tell me I am too young to be married, I will downrate and report for not providing an answer.
Daughter, my husband owned that house since he was 18, years before we married. I never had a deed to it and my state still has adultery as a ground for divorce and is still not liberal in divorce. I am up sh*t creek property wise because the house is legally his and his familys (been in it for 110 years).
Daughter, my husband owned that house since he was 18, years before we married. I never had a deed to it and my state still has adultery as a ground for divorce and is still not liberal in divorce. I am up sh*t creek property wise because the house is legally his and his familys (been in it for 110 years).
Daughter, my husband owned that house since he was 18, years before we married. I never had a deed to it and my state still has adultery as a ground for divorce and is still not liberal in divorce. I am up sh*t creek property wise because the house is legally his and his familys (been in it for 110 years).
Tags: 18 years, adultery, best friend, boxes, brother, clothes, couch, divorce, divorcee, filing for divorce, hes, Infertility, lack of attention, last two months, marriage, next morning, rage, sleep, soul mate, stable world, stepdaughter
Um I feel bad for you that your in this situation. But your husband has every right for what he did. I mean yeah it’s mean to throw your stuff out, but at the same time, it’s mean and messed up that you did that to him. I believe in forgiveness, but not everyone does. Honestly I don’t think there is anything you can do to save your marriage. Once you love someone else, it’s hard to trust them again. And I think your all out of shots with him. I mean maybe he will come around and realize that you still love him. But don’t question yourself too much if the divorce actually takes place, because karma is a bitch. I wish you and your husband the best of luck though on working out your issue. Sorry to hear it happened like this.
do you mean infidelity????? infertility is something else.
Honestly, if you were my wife and you slept with someone else I’d pack your bags and kick you out too! I know that’s not what you wanted to hear. Love means trusting and selfless. If you can’t trust the person you are married to, then there is no marriage. He probably can’t trust you ,and even if you guys were to go to counseling and work it out, he would still always know in the back of his mind what you did. That is not a healthy thing to have in your past. You are 20…. that is VERY young to be married, and I have faith that you can clean up your act and find somebody else. If you loved your husband so much….. then you would have never ever slept with someone else.
Your husband can’t kick you out of the marital property so if necessary, get the police to help you get back in. If he wants to leave, that is one thing but he can’t force you to do so. None of this will save your marriage but it will ensure that he can’t wreck the property in an effort to reduce your share of the marital assets, which you are still entitled to even if you have behaved BADLY! And you have. Get a good lawyer and don’t let your remorse over what you did cheat you out of what you are entitled to. And move back into the marital home now.
Lastly, he may own that home but if you were in a community-property state, you may have an entitlement to a portion of it as it may be considered marital property if you two lived in it after you were married. And he can’t use your adultery to reduce your entitlement to the marital assets. If he has said he can, he is lying to you. Go get a good lawyer now.
You should have kept your mouth shut. All as you did was hurt him, YES your whole world will come tumbling down.
It’s infidelity not infertility.
You really should have thought about all that before you cheated. Being in a "low place" is no excuse for cheating you have only been married a short time, and you started off badly. There may be nothing you can do to convince him to give you a second chance and really though you may not be trying to come across this way, you don’t sound so much sorry you hurt him but sorry you are losing out and that YOUR world has been disrupted. How do you think he feels. HIS world has been shattered by you.
Your loss is caused by your own actions and you might have to accept the consequences. Do not beg or try to guilt him to come to you whatever you do, and don’t focus on all the hardships YOU will face because of this divorce. Don’t try to get his children involved either. If you want him to believe you are sorry you must ACT sorry.
Now if divorce is inevitable and it might be, you should clear your head and see a lawyer. If you want to go back to your home (his house), you can do that legally and he can’t stop you until it is settled in court. This might cause more tension. As far as I know regardless of your infidelity assets will still be split equitably.
keep trying if you really want to be with him, but really it wont be easy, men react differently to infidelity than women do especially if sex is involved. for a man to habe his wife cheat on him is an attack on his identity as a man. it makes him feel inadequate to not be able to completely fulfill his partners needs, and that is not just sexually speaking.
secondly the fact that you both are a young couple makes it easier for him to give up, he feels he is still young enough to find someone else, that’s why typically you see divorce when couples are younger whereas older couples tend to stick together despite hardship.
all i can say is that it wont be easy and there arent guarantees, i myself dont know how i would react in this situation. but no matter what you will face consequences regardless of what the outcome may be
You messed up and will have to put on your big girl panties and deal with it. If you really want to try and salvage whats left of your marriage, try to get him to marriage counseling.
you know what.. you deserve it… end of story.. btw its not infertility that would mean he left you because you can not get pregnant.. im sorry excuses or not.. yours are flipping lame! magine, he didnt pay attention to me so i slept with someone else! COME ON!!!!!!!! Clearly he is not your "soul mate" when you had to go look for love in other places.. from the sounds of it your better off divorced. Which it seems you only want to save your marriage to prevent being a 20 yr old divorcee.. which also why the eff would you be married at 20!!!!!!!! seriously.. okay also.. i just went through all your past comments.. your a freakin’ liar! make up your mind.. didhis friend kiss you.. or you kiss him.. cause you bounce around in your stories that you keep telling people.. seriously.. goo boohoo somewhere else! the more i read you other posts.. the more i have to add.. . i found another lie you told.. your saying he was not giving you attention ect. and you cheated on him well you said you guys had sex every morning and night.. until after new years… so when you cheated.. it was when your marriage was fine.. omg.. its horrible.. but go die.. k thanks! its because of " women" like you that guys dont believe in marriage!
the only thing i can do is offer my condolences on this situation. give it time and speak from your heart if you get a chance. other than that there may not be anything you can do. (everyone needs to look at your profile history for the last 3 months for the whole story.)
i think the only thing you can do is move on. i am so sorry, i wish there was more. this is a learning experience though, and you have learned something from this. who knows what is in store in the future, maybe things will turn out for the best even if you are not with him again.
*i will talk to my husband about this and see what he says from a male perspective, so check back later.
No. That being said chalk this experience up to the school of hard knocks. Best for you to go through this now than if you had children of your own. I don’t believe that this fellow is your soul mate unless of course you pictured your soul mate as arguing and fighting with you and not paying you enough attention. Believe me, if you were honest about really loving this guy you would N O T have cheated. Your inexperienced in life, get a job, apartment, and divorce in that order. And don’t forget – there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Cut the crap, ok?
If he WAS your soul mate, you wouldn’t have screwed around on him, so that’s the first lie you’ve told us.
Your stable world should have mattered more to you than the guy you screwed. Unfortunately for you, getting laid mattered more, so this is what you got.
To answer your question, the way you save your marriage is to bend over backwards to prove to him that he can trust you. It doesn’t look good, but that’s how you do it. By the way, ‘infertility’ is what happens when you can’t have a baby. ‘Infidelity’ is what you have done.
Your husband understands all he needs to understand. You betrayed his trust in the worst possible way. What happens now is out of your hands. Even if he does take you back, he will never be able to trust you again. Nothing you can ever say or do will change that. Yes, you will lose your stable world when you get divorced, I wonder why that didn’t cross your mind before you ended up in someone else’s bed.
Your husband is deeply hurt, angry and embarrassed right now. Give him some time to think and cool off. I do not know what State you reside in, but to divorce you have to remain separated a certain amount of time. Let him know that you do not want the divorce. However, you need to realize that he may never trust you again and be resentful. That is no way for the two of you to live. At that point therapy is a plus. Time will tell.
Carolyn,
Infidelity twice in a five-month-old marriage, let me think. Naw. Someone might use crude names to describe a woman like you. Not me. I think, though, Marriage deserves better than you have given and better than you can dream of giving. I suggest that you go back on your meds. Or Find a nice manager and go to work professionally. Think of the money you could earn acting like you do. Follow my thinking here? But, leave the nice man and his daughter alone. And, stop using the word: "Love" You don’t have the right.
He’s your soul mate!? You should have been remembered that teensy little fact before you slept with someone else. All I am hearing is You’re heartbroken, You want to form a family with him, You will lose your stable world, You will not get a thing. How about how he’s feeling, having been betrayed by you in the worst possible way only months into your marriage!? If you really love him you’ll see that he deserves someone he can trust and respect, who would never hurt him like that.
It sounds like you need therapy. Tell him you’re willing to go to therapy, and whether or not he takes you back, actually do it. Then leave the poor guy alone to piece back together the world you shattered.
Count your blessings he did not kill you, but your marriage is over.
The steps you need to follow are these:
1. Accept the fact that it’s over, don’t waste 1 second trying to "make it right";
2. See if you can get him to agree to an annulment, that way you can not have the stigma of a divorce;
3. Cooperate by signing off on documents presented to you by him;
4. Accept that you are young and stupid and did a terrible thing, then forgive yourself by promising never to do such a horrible thing again to another human being;
5. Hold your head up, get back to the business of working hard at putting your life back together concentrating on work and earning a decent income, and
6. Stay away from boys/men/relationships until you are at LEAST 25 or even later if you haven’t got it together by then. Failure to follow this rule will only destroy any progress you make.
I suggest considering enlisting in the military. This will get you away from your toxic situation, give you a job, housing, food and healthcare, along with hope for your future.
The excuse that you were being neglected for two months is a pitiful one, my husband has refused to have sex with me for almost two years, and I still have not cheated. That’s because I really do love my husband and want it to work out, and I know that if I cheat, that will be the kiss of death for my marriage. It seems to me like you are all about yourself and just did what you wanted to do without any thoughts as to the consequences. Now you just don’t want to have to pay the price.
If your husband was truly your "soul mate", you could never have hurt him like you did. What would you do to him if he was just some "regular joe"?
I don’t consider my husband my soul mate and I would still never hurt him like you did your husband. If you really care about him, just pick up your stuff, and walk away and leave him some dignity with which to move on to a better life with someone that deserves him.
I’m really not trying to be mean, but what you did pretty much killed any chance of saving your marriage. All that’s left now is to bury it, and cry at the graveside.
You should "accidentally" let him file for divorce. You can’t be real!! Having a house and bills paid while you screw a 16 year does not produce a stable house. You shouldn’t get a dang thing out of this marriage because you never put anything honest into it.
Let him divorce you and in 20 years when you may resemble a slight amount of maturity give a relationship another try!!
BYE! BYE!
You carved a life together? You ONLY 20. Apparently not because if you were my wife Id kick your cheating ass to the curb too. I dont feel bad for women like you, you’ve made your bed now sleep in it. And also, its called infidelity not infertility dumbass.
I remember your last questions…Your the one who ‘accidentally cheated, LMAO. So I guess he didn’t believe the guy slipped and his D*ck went up you?
Your husband is a smart man. You cheated on him more than once and you only confessed because his daughter caught you!
You don’t deserve to be his wife and that child deserves a step mother who isn’t an immoral skank.
**If he was your soul mate you would of kept your legs closed!.
It seems like the best thing for you to do is learn from your mistakes. You begged your husband for another chance. And he does not want to give you another chance.
Give him time to absorb everything that has happened. Forcing him to take you back at this moment will lead to a very unhealthy marriage.
You stumbled. You fell. You admitted your wrongdoings. Pick yourself up and move forward with your life. Forgive yourself. Focus on you and a career. And let time heal everyone.