Comments on: How long do Borderline Personality Disorder ex-girlfriends usually take to ‘come back’ after a break-up?

By: LilyC

LilyC — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 01:06:01 +0000

Just spent ages typing this to be be deleted! forgiven me for more brief reply now!. I have (had) the most amazing (younger)partner but who had anger manangement issues and BPDD but now feel bad, he\’s left me and boy does ( feel he wanted me, he said he\’s not safe being with partner, but want him boy BIG times, pls help!
We even spoken about moving in, he was fine with that too!

By: Dave @ Sandia Courtyard Hotel

Dave @ Sandia Courtyard Hotel — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 22:15:52 +0000

I don’t want to be insensitive, but that does not sound like a fun relationship. Find a way to help her get medicated or find someone else. Your just setting yourself up for pain.

By: joanna k

joanna k — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 09:17:01 +0000

Hi husky…. There is no specific answer to your question unfortunately. Yes, most do come back (or send out "feelers" that they are interested), but it’s not a given. And the timeframe can very. At http://www.bpdfamily.com , we’ve had members who have reported "hoovers" months and a year later. One man’s ex called him on her wedding day (to another man). She wanted him to "save" her from her wedding at the last minute.

Two weeks to two months is the usual time frame, but it depends on so, so many things. Those who have narcissistic traits (or perhaps are more narcissistic than bpd) may not come back for a long time.. or they will just move on to someone else. If you start erecting and maintaining boundaries (vs. letting her walk all over you), she may stay away longer, because she senses that she is losing control. Is she diagnosed? Getting treatment? Open to treatment?

But this question is as much about you as it is about her… What do you want in your life in terms of a woman? Are you happy with her leaving you and coming back? Is she abusive to you? Are you feeling depressed and anxious due to your relationship?

You may want to join support groups that concentrate on people with these kinds of issues, that is, a bpd (or probable bpd) partner. http://www.bpdfamily.com/ (with the message board at http://www.bpdfamily.org is a good place to start.

Try this article.. an overview of bpd relationships:

http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htm

By: Diane S

Diane S — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 09:17:01 +0000

Why would you want her to? Find someone who is mentally healthy.

By: Debbie

Debbie — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 09:17:01 +0000

I’m not sure if your asking this question because you are missing her or because you want to move on knowing that she is in the past. I sense it’s more because your missing her & pleased that you are trying to understand her illness & not walk away from her. Understanding BPD aso helps non-BPD’s own personal growth.
So, If it is because you are missing her, I would agree that it can take up to 3 weeks, of course this depends on why she left in the 1st place (which Schema was triggered). Feelings of Abandonment has the strongest emotions attached to it and this schema being triggered would be the one that could keep her away the longest.
I live with BPD & I am learning to manage my emotions & it’s not easy, the longest I have stayed away has been 3 – 4 weeks at the beginning of relationships, but as trust is built this timescale becomes more 3 – 4 days, with the right supportive partner for a Borderline person the timescale does reduce with time. I hope this helps and that she returns to you.