Husband doesn't trust me?
I have been married going on 2 years now. We have a little girl who’s a year old. He’s a firefighter so he’s gone a lot, he has been telling me for the last two days (he’s at work) that this isn’t going to work because he can’t trust me. That he’s afraid I will do something again and that will mess his life up, so he doesn’t want to chance it. When we were first married I made a lot of mistakes. I was never unfaithful so that’s not it, but I did lie about what I was doing. He was controlling and I wanted my life to stay the same, So I would lie about everything.. Hanging out with friends, going to my Parents, shopping ect. I got caught and we separated for awhile but, he said we’ll work it out as long as I work on change. And I have, I’m so proud of myself because I have cut the wrong people out and that I am actually doing what I need to do. We seemed to be doing good the last few months. Then all of the sudden.. BOOM! He texts me and tells me he can’t trust me and won’t chance it. I love him very much and our marriage means the world to me along with our family. I want this to work and marriage is hard and I understand that. What should I do? How do I show he can trust me?
I don’t want to divorce, but it seems he wants to. He comes home tomorrow am and I’m just dreading it.
Tags: boom, firefighter, home tomorrow, little girl, marriage, parents, texts
He’s having trust issues probably because he can’t forgive or forget about the lying you did before and it’s effected/hurt him deeply. He also probably has the opinions of his parents, friends, co-workers, anybody he’s talked to or sought advice from in his head trying to sway his decision as well. What needs to happen is for you to sit down with him alone with no one there to sway either of your opinions.In that sit down you need to reassure him that you’ll be completely honest about your actions and that you love him and you want nothing more then to make this marriage work for both of you and your daughter. BUT this is YOUR life you are SHARING with HIM. He can NOT control what you say, do or the people you hang out with. You can only compromise with him so much. Marriage is all about compromise and working together to make sure everyone is happy.
If he agrees to this make sure you follow through with your end of the bargain. Make sure your decisions are the right ones for you, him and your daughter. Give this time and make sure your opinion is heard but also know his opinion as well.
get into marriage counseling.
if you can, talk with him in a respectful way, and ask him to think about what is best for your daughter
If he’s controlling and has trust issues, and if you are at your wits end, then consider marriage counseling. Marriage counseling helps us gain insight into each other as well as into ourselves. And a marriage counselor will give you each a chance to express yourselves, while assessing the relationship and giving you both things to work on (together, as well as individually).
Take care, and i hope you will consider talking with a neutral party. It helps a lot and works when we work it.
You have to earn back his trust. Also, he has to be willing to let you earn it back for it to work. Only way to do that is to be honest. There is no magic bullet I’m afraid.
He is having a flash back into your past. When you break somebodies trust for you it takes a long time to heal that wound. sometimes it can never be healed. All as you can do is continue doing the same thing you always do, there is no other way to prove your trustworthy. Maybe he is seeing someone else and making you out to be the bad guy, reversing the guilt.
have you ever thought about God?
The only way you can prove it to him would be by your actions. Tell him if he wants to follow you. Find out who you’ve been with. What you’ve been doing. Actions speak louder than words & that’s about all you can do. He has to believe you if he knows where you’ve been & what you’ve been doing. There can’t be better proof than that. There’s no more he can ask for than that…best to you…:)
Don’t be so sure that this is about you. If you have been making changes and all of a sudden he decides he has had enough, I would be wondering if he has met someone or has even been cheating himself. Sometimes partners will project their feelings on to their partner (as in they are cheating so they accuse their partner of cheating). I think that you should check this out and don’t be so quick to accept the blame for a marriage which may be disintegrating. The other thing is that since he is a controller, he may have decided that if he can’t control you, he may want someone else that he can control. As I said, check it out and see what is really going on. Good luck.
He is so paranoid about y’alls marriage that he can’t deal with it and its not your fault but if he is gonna throw it all away like this you don’t have a choice and are better off. Try as hard as you can to get him to communicate his feelings instead of hiding them but you can’t make that horse drink from the watering trough. Good Luck!
I also think that the two of you should seek counseling. You need to do whatever you can to preserve your relationship and make it work, so go to counseling. Tell him that the two of you need to do this as a couple. Though, he’ll probably hate the idea, especially if he wants to control everything that you do. He won’t want to go to therapy because the therapist will tell him what a horrible human being he is for trying to control your life.
You mean to tell me that he doesn’t want you to spend any time with your friends or family? What kind of partner wouldn’t want their lover to do the things that make them happy? That’s so sad, and disgusting, to be honest. What an insecure, selfish husband you must have if he doesn’t ‘allow’ you to go shopping or spend time with your family. How could you be happy with someone like that?
Anyway, try to convince him to go to counseling. It really could help the two of you patch things up a bit and try to move on from all the lies.
Ask HIM what his daughter means to him. You are willing to try, and it looks like you have been. So the ball is in his court. Strange timing on his behalf. Why would he do this now with a 1 year old?
Stay strong, and just tell him what you said here. You are making changes and your family means everything to you. That is all you can do. Hopefully, he sees the light. If not, there is nothing else you can do but move on.
Talk and talk and talk.Tell him all ,tell him you love him and you’ll do anything to make it work.Tell him to give it some time and marriage counseling would help too.
baby its not you its your man.. trust is something you have to earn but the things he broke up with you over in the first place are very weirdly controlling reasons ok you didn’t cheat and you hung out with friends and continued your old lifestyle so he sits down with you have a family meeting and tells you how hes uncomfortable with this life that your unwilling to let go not split up.. this sounds like teenager stuff he needs to get over himself he knows its not easy for him to trust you while hes at work cause hes a firemen but its something he has to work on not you.. your doing your part now its up to him to do hes .. and that is forgive and forget.. honey if hes gonna dwell on this every time he starts to worry then is this something you want to deal with …. he has trust issues if he cant Trust you then there’s a issue .. he sounds a bit controlling to me and that’s a issue and your MARRIED your not kids anymore its till death do us part .. no ones dieing so he needs to get hes shit together asap.. and reading what im writing im sure i don’t even have to see anyone Else’s answer i can tell you its him and not you..so you tell him if this isn’t something he can do or get over and learn to trust you and hes not willing to seek marriage counseling to work it out then you have to move on i mean it sounds like hes giving up on your marriage i mean do you really want to be with someone who gives up on your family so carelessly.. god forbids what happens years down the line if he cant hack this …. bottom line its not you its him hes insecure and he needs to work on hes trust issues
You kids need to put all the monopoly pieces back and start all over. Seriously…take a month off of each other and set a date. A brand new first date and start this whole thing over.
Reading the beg. of what you wrote, neither of you should have gotten married @ least when y’all did, b/c obviously he didn’t trust you and the fact that he was controlling you had to lie about your whereabouts…But, u both did get married and yes marriage is hard and has to be worked @. U both need to get marriage counseling and get to the root of the problem, even if you feel there wasn’t a problem before hand and to you is actions were out the blue, there may have been signs you did not recognize. If he’s a little reluctant to the counseling, tell him if he won’t do it for you @ least do it for y’all daughter, she deserves parents who will work and do whatever they have to in order to keep the family in tact.
GL On ur Marriage!