heres the thing.
I dated a guy for a year and a half. when I went to college in the same city (he was a senior in hs) I broke up with him because I felt as if I was missing some of the experience. I still loved him. He still loved me, so it wasn’t actually the right time for a break up. Therefore this led to a lot of bad things.
For a while I completely pushed him out of my life. I was pretending to not need him. But I did. And i finally gave in. He was there for me. We would act like we were dating when together, just laying in bed. I’ve never felt so comfortable with anyone else. I miss that. We would hook up as in make out occasionally. That was it. No one knew. I knew I wasn’t going to get back with him [yet], and ultimately that made him feel used. He tried to push me away. He started moving on.
I didn’t. He started talking with another girl. But before they were dating we went to dinner where we were very flirtatious. He ended up actually having sex in his car afterwards. (Note this is April, we broke up in September. This was the first time we had had sex since August). I had confided in him my feelings. How I was finally being honest to myself and him, and that I still loved him. He knew how I felt. To me he wasn’t the guy who could have casual sex, so it would have to mean something to him if he had sex with me. Well that was friday night. We had it two more times on Sunday. It was great. I wanted him to feel the connection. I wanted to feel it to. It was there. Monday he said we couldnt do that again. He said some of the most hurtful things ever. But thats what he does, what we both do. We get too mad and say way too much just to hurt one another. Tuesday he started dating her. Its been a month now. I hate myself. I hate life. I’ve considered suicide. I have pushed everyone else in my life away. I don’t care about anything. I cry everyday, but I have been for months. I don’t do anything. I hate everything. He was what held me together. I lost the person I felt most comfortable with. I lost my best friend. He won’t talk to me. He hates me. He says I am crazy. I am. I just don’t know where my sanity is. I feel so helpless. I don’t want him back as a boyfriend, just a friend. I have promised myself I will love myself before I love another boy, but I don’t see myself loving myself ever. I hate myself. And I can’t hate him

sorry i had to get this out there and vent.

Tags: casual sex, feelings, friday night, Getting Over An Ex, having sex, Hook, hs, right time, suicide