why dont my husband love me?
May 7th, 2010 by admin | Filed in Save My Marriage
hey, can someone please help me? i just got married 5 months ago, and i just also had a little baby girl about 3 months ago. And my husband is always ignoring me, and he never tells me that i am beautiful anymore… he is always telling me to shut up and stuff, and i really dont like it. i check his phone when he gets home from work, and it says that he called his mom like 3 times, and thats almost every day, and he only calls me once, (if that) what is going on? why dont he love me? and what can i do to make him love me again? should i just move on and divorce him?
btw we are both 18
Tags: 5 months, baby girl, divorce, Hey, little baby girl, love, mom
I know they call the first year of marriage the honeymoon stage but that really isn’t quite accurate as you can imagine. If you are living with your partner for the first time, there’s a lot of adjustments to be made to your everyday living routine that both of you might find disruptive and may even cause some resentment. Adding a baby to the scenerio is another challenge when you are just trying to get your barings as a married couple. Some men (even those married for a longer period of time) can be resentful with the arrival of a new baby that diverts his wife’s attention away from him. Do not feel guilty about your new role as mom. It doesn’t sound like he knows exactly where he fits in yet, but if he’s worth his salt, he will in time (with your help and encouragement).
In regards to the calls, I don’t think you should be "checking in" on him like that — it doesn’t inspire trust and may lead to more snooping. But since you did, his calls to his mom only seem to support the fact that he’s looking for reassurance and guidance. Just like you, he needs a support network right now so don’t cut that off.
My husband and I were married for almost 5 years before we decided to have a child but that alone isn’t enough to prepare us for the new dynamic between husband, wife and baby. He was/is a great Dad but believe me, he questioned it ALL the time. He talked to other new fathers about their feelings and they echoed his concern — he even gave the group a name: The Bad Dads Club (all in jest of course).
I’m sure your husband loves you and it’s too soon to be hitting the panic button re: divorce. Keep the lines of communication open with him, encourage him, tell him you love him and he’ll come around.
You two need to sit and TALK. Ask him whats going on before you just divorce.
Sounds like he is a Mommas boy. He isn’t man enough to stand by you and your baby. Divorce Mr Wonderful and hit this Oedipus Rex hard for child support. You deserve better and so does your baby.
Don’t give up so easy, especially since you have a baby together. The only way to handle this is to talk to him and figure out if there’s enough feelings there in order to salvage your marriage. Both partners have to be willing to make it work. If you can talk together and sort this out, then great. But if you need a third party, then go get some counseling for the two of you. You need to have a game plan. Start with seeing if there’s any hope for your marriage, and if there isn’t, you need to make plans for yourself and your daughter. Don’t do anything in haste. Plan ahead.
Maybe you two got married too young and for the wrong reasons. He may be calling his Mom because he is saddened. You two should sit down and decide whether your Marriage is valid or not, before the baby has to grow up and hear you two argue and fight all the time.
you both sound young ,,, the first years of marriage are the hardest,,, dont get divorced you have a child together,,, you need to sit down and tell him how you feel,,, but you need to do it in a way that you wont sound like a nag and he wont feel like you are attacking him,,,, say things like " i feel bad when you tell me to shut up, i dont like it " and dont say things like "dont tell me to shut up anymore" if you tell someone NOT to do something, their brain triggers and they will do it more,,,it psychological
Stop being so needy. I bet that you are complaining all the time and we men find that a big turn off.
If his treatment of you is a new thing then I can see your dilemma,but if he has always been this distant then I say why did you become involved with such a man.some women can live with a man who has no emotions for them,I can not.If you new he was distant you should have not married him nor given him a child.I would ask him his problem and if he didn’t or doesn’t want to work on the situation then leave him.
sounds like an assshole to me. i also have one of those dickheadss in my house also. tell him to go back with his mamma so she can change his shittty diaper!
ignore his damn stinky asss like he ignores you. he sounds like a major mammas boy still suckin’ oh her titties…lol
you and your daughter do not need a "lil mammas boy" telling you to shut up! when he tells you to shut up next time go right in his face and scream…hell…go throw your baby’s shittty diaper at him next time!
Well you haven’t been married very long to be giving up so soon. He has a wife and baby to provide for, it is probably a little overwhelming. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you, it means he is stressed out. Try and do things for him, give him time to wind down from the day before you talk to him. You are probably spending a significant amount of your time with the baby and that is hard on a marriage, even ones that have lasted for years and you are doing it at the beginning, it takes adjustment time.
When he is well rested and in a decent mood tell him you want to talk about your relationship and make time for each other
You need to sit down with your husband and talk with him. He maybe feeling very pressured within the household and just maybe regretting getting married. Now I am not saying this is the case, but based on the fact you got married while you were pregnant, he may have felt at that time he was obligated to go this.
If you are walking around saying you don’t tell me you love me anymore or that I am beautiful …. in his eyes you are nagging him.
Again, sit down and talk to him, ask him straight out if he feels pressured in the relationship as YOU feel that something is wrong. Don’t go into YOU don’t say this or this … because then you are pointing the finger at him.
Make sure the baby is not affected in anyway during arguments because the baby does feel the stress in the family.
Good luck!
Sounds like you two need to get some counseling. If he only married you because of the baby then he married you for all the wrong reasons. You two need to figure out why you were together in the first place. If you really loved each other then maybe he just going through something that he doesn’t know how to talk to you about. Take it from every married couple out there. The first two years of marriage are very hard. It is all an adjustment. Maybe he loves you and doesn’t mean to take things out on you, he just doesn’t know how to communicate them. I would find a good marriage counselor and try and make things work.
Ok, here is what you do: Go enroll in school. Your daughter can be in daycare while you’re in college (I assume you graduated high school, if not start there). Most states have programs that provide low cost daycare if you qualify.
This will accomplish several things:
1. You will be completing an education which will prove quite useful, especially if your marriage for some reason doesn’t work out.
2. You will be engaged in conversations outside of your marriage. This will satisfy your need for companionship and interaction.
3. You will become more confident. Confidence is an attractive trait. Your husband will see you as an independant person who has something interesting to say.
Try to attract him with a new look;men like an always beautiful wife at home.At first, talk with him frankly what is wrong with you;and after,if positive;big change in your life(gym,make-up,dress,clean body,etc)
You will see his changes too.
How long did you know him or how well did you know him before you married? Has he always talked to his mother often? If yes then this is not a change in behavior just a continuation of the same.
Realize that you just had a baby. Your hormones are working overtime and have yet to settle down. Perhaps a trip to the doctor is in order in case you need some help with post-partum depression.
If he is being unkind and this is new behavior then you need to talk to him not automatically start being 007 and checking up on him and what he is doing during the day.
Divorce is not a word to be thrown around as it is a permanent solution to what may be a temporary problem.
Communication is key and you need to establish some time that you and your new husband spend together.
You have a new baby, maybe you could ask him if he would take a walk each day after he winds down from work so that you two can get away from phones or other distractions and just be together as a family unit. You will get exercise, the baby will get used to being in a stroller and you two will have time to just chat as you walk.
Just another random thought is do you still take care of yourself? Or does he come home to you with baby puke clothes, hair in a pony, no makeup and looking nothing like the woman he fell in love with? Not saying that you need to be a super model but just taking the time to change shirts and run a brush through our hair means that we wanted to look the best we could at that moment for our men.
They too will need to take care of themselves but you can only deal with you. What he does is ultimately up to you.
Do you have a good relationship with your mother-in-law? Perhaps she just wants to get updates about the baby. You could visit her and take the baby. It would let her get her "grandma fix" as well as giving you a much needed break.
He’s a momma’s boy. He needs to cut the cord already.
The first think you have to check is if you love him enough . If you are sure you still wanna be with him, then there a couple of things you cand do. First try to put all your energy on yourself and focus on what you do and your life. Go for a walk, visit your friends, play with your baby , as if nothing is happening. Don´t overwhelm him with questions, don´t make any comment to him.. don´t chase him around, don´t check how many times he calls his mum. You need to feel that you are ok with or without him, because you are the most importante person for YOU , then after a while when he notice the change in you ( he will notice it , believe me ) find a good moment, when you notice that he is more relaxed, and talk to him, but try to be in control of your feelings, don´t cry, listen to him, it is important that he feels that you are truly listenning. then you will find out if he really wants to be with you. Maybe he has reasons for being that way. Then find ways together to have a better relationship… If is not opened to that, then, is time for you make a move. But again, focus on YOU and your well being, and of course on your baby
Being young you need to sit and talk, this 5 month period of being married is not enough time to say you adjusted and plus a
baby on top of it, it maybe overwhelming… your both young and to realize its about 3 people here now not just yourselves sit and talk or go seek counseling
Hunny, Dont give up that easy, I have been married for almost 4 years and have a 6 year old son together, let me tell you i am told to shut the fuck up every day!! He plays on his computer, works out, watches tv, I feel no love trust me….but i still work through it…It is hard believe me but i do it….I love him with all my heart i wish he could see that and tell me how much he loves me but he doesnt….also he never calls me i call him all the time…..dont let it get to you so much…start ignoring him, it will eventually start to drive him nutts….stop doing stuff for him, make him do his own stuff….tell him you need to be loved….you sound just like me….i feel so unloved it isnt funny and it sucks big time!!! AM SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY….THINGS CAN GET BETTER DONT WORRY AND DONT GIVE UP!!! GOOD LUCK!
Gerl…
Love will grow but you nid to be very patient.
Perhaps, your husband is trying to adjust to marriage life and 5 months is still too early for you to judge or make any serious decision such as divorce.
When he returns home, try not to nag. Instead, have yourself dressed nicely/presentably pretty when he returns. Have the house cleaned and his favourite juice or drink ready. Have the dinner ready. Make him feel relieved that he’s back instead of being outside.Ensure that your house is neat n tidy. Wake up earlier than him and prepare him breakfast and also ensure that his uniform/work clothes are nicely ironed.Most importantly, you must feel good about yourself and only then ur husband ken see how good you look. Smile and flirt with him. Don’t be too worked up if he calls his mum more. Instead tell him to send her your love and regards. If you could, ask your husband to invite his mum over for brunch or dinner. If you can win his mum over, trust me, your marriage will be just fine.
Avoid checking on his mobile. Show him that you trust him and that you respect his privacy. In time, by God’s grade, he will see your love and commitment and he shall shower you back with more than you could ask for. Regardless of how he treats you,for now, do your part as a good wife to the best of your abilities. Your husband and his needs are also your responsibilities and not just your child.
u could just sit and talk together and also u could put make up and whare nice clothes and be more beautiful and also u have to treat him and talk to him nice without shouting, (if u shout).
good luck and bye~!!
This one is easy, sweetie……………..
You and he had a baby.
Here’s what happened: You went from being the sexy lady, the huss, the babe a play mate and best friend…. to mother and housekeeper, and he went from being the stud, the man the sex machine to father and provider, and you did that 5 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! into your marriage. Absolutely a 180 degree term.
This child was not planned for, your marriage was not a solid bond yet, you did not discuss, nor seek help that this would happen, he is left out of the loop because your attentions are more directed toward your child than to him… Surprise!!!! He is resentful, and you feel abandoned…this is what children do in a marriage. You both thought, "Oh, let’s have a baaaaabbbbbyyyyyyyyyy…… how roooommmmaaantic," and it isn’t, is it?
You feel SOOOOOOO abandoned, that you check his phone!!!!!! And he feels SOOOOOOO left out, he calls his mama!! And being with him is no fun any more, and being with you, for him is no fun anymore either, is it???? ……..because both of you are sidetracked by this stranger in your little marriage.
So now, he is attending to his mom, more than you, and you are about to bail….. Do I have this right, or what?
What do you do?
1.Your first mistake was having a child before your marriage was solid, and before getting some counseling and being prepared for parenthood. If the child was unintended, then your error was in your bc method.
2. Now what? These are big issues — easy to identify for any counselor, but difficult for those in the marriage who need the help, and hon, you guys DO need some help in understanding what has happened to your marriage…. Some of your respondents will tell you to pray to god, go to church yadadyadayda, and even leave your marriage…. unproductive.
You two now must make the big leap, grow up, and get some help in attitude adjustments and that involves some counseling. Your child,….. every child deserves a chance at having loving, prepared parents. You skipped a big part — being fully prepared that this was going to happen, but now that you know what happened, three or four counseling sessions will be the best $$ you will ever have spent. This is a curable problem, hon, but it is a different ball game than it was when you were childless. This is no longer fixable by your parents, or your friend to relate to you how this happened to them… this is work for a pro, hon… a pro.
Good luck, sweetie. And if he won’t go, go yourself, and he’ll likely go later. It won’t be forever, so it’s not like you’re asking him to jump to the moon…………..
You each owe it to your marriage, and your child.
Good luck
Give him a beer everyday when he comes home,then he will call u every second there is nothing like a cold when u come home
Well, the reason that you are having problems is because you he married you because he thought he had to, because he knocked you up. Now he is realising his mistake. You’re too young to be having kids, and you are too young to be married.
If he didn’t want to be a father, that would also explain his behavior.
The fact that you were married way too young does make a difference. WHY? Your still teenagers! There will be alot of changes in your personalities, but you made a commitment to spend the rest of your lives together, till death do you part. Now you have a child and in only 5 months, your already thinking about divorce? Well, that’s the reason. That’s why you shouldn’t get married at 18 years old!
He’s not your boyfriend and when there’s a problem, you don’t just break-up. He’s your husband now and if there’s a problem, YOU FIX IT! It’s really sad, because now you have a child and I’m certain you will wind up struggling thru life with that child as a single mother. Whether you believe it or not, the child suffers when their parents get a divorce.
In order to make this marriage work, you both have to be in love. Do you still love him? If you do, you would never be able to live without him. You now have to ask many questions: Does he still loves you? Does he feel like he made the right decision by getting married? Is he’s happy he has a child? If he could change anything about his life, what would it be? You have to communicate about everything and you could, he’s your husband!
You have to respect marriage alot more and naturally you should do anything to make him happy, not yourself. That’s what marriage is all about. Good Luck
Was this a sort of "shotgun" wedding? He may be feeling a little trapped right now like his life as an adult hasn’t started out like he thought it should have.
Also, you check his phone to see who he is calling? In the 12 years I’ve been married my wife has never once questioned or checked who I call!
I think you both need to start going on ‘dates’ with each other even if it’s just for a few hours at a time and work on your trust, communication and friendship. Go for walks in the park or hiking together or even to a flea market or window shopping. Do things you both find fun and try to re-discover why you fell in love in the first place.