I will try and make this short- over a year ago my ex boyfriend broke up with me. We were actually engaged, to be married this past September. Over the past year, we have gone from not speaking, to being friendly, to being full fledged back together, to breaking up- several times. He has come back to me probably 4 times since he first ended things, and the last time was around this past New Years Eve.
We had been living together and I moved out when he ended things. I moved about 4 hours away, back to my hometown. He came out here around New Years, we had a good weekend, talked about being back together, he said he loved me, etc. He even said while he was here that he would marry me the next weekend if that’s what I wanted, but of course that would be rushed and I said I would rather wait and plan something low key but special.
He left and not two days later he called me and told me what he did every other time he broke up with me- he’s depressed, he doesn’t feel the way he should about the relationship, etc. And he ended things. He said he is also unhappy with the business he runs and he wants out, he isn’t making enough money, etc. I asked several times what the real reason for breaking up with me is and he said he can’t put his finger on one particular incident or reason, just that he gradually changed. I was devestated and could barely function for over a week after this.
He told me via text last week that he talked to his parents and he is going to talk to a therapist about his depression/unhappiness. He said that we can’t keep doing what we’re been doing because it’s too hard for both of us.
He is 30 years old, by the way. I love this man, and I cannot picture my life or future without him in it. I would have stood by him through anything, no matter what, but he has pushed me away several times now. I feel like I can barely breathe I miss him so much. I kept taking him back because he is a good person and I believed him when he told me he loved me and wanted to be together. Now I feel like a fool.
What should I do? I know I have to leave him alone, but its so hard- he was my best friend. Beofre anyone says there is someone else- I know for a fact there is not. We both have dated other people this year we’ve been apart, but I am best friends with his now roommate and I would know for sure if someone else was in the picture. So, how do I proceed? If he really is depressed, I want to be there for him. But I don’t want to chase him either. Adivce?
He now says he cannot continue forward with me because he has doubt about the future, and cannot enter into a marriage with doubt. I understand that, and would not want him to be with me if he wasn’t sure anyway. Should I wait for him to come along? I can’t stand the thought of losing him, but don’t want to hold on to someone that doesn’t want me, either…