is it possible my husband loves this ex mistress and did want to see her one last tie but does not want her?
I ask because he has made NO further attempts to contact her; I gather she is on holiday (at home, and he is working) but as far as I know, he has NOT contacted her. Assume this is the truth.
So – was their meeting last week just coincidence?
History is:
In Feb this year I caught my husband cheating with a woman for a whole year and apparently he was on the verge of leaving me for her but we worked through it. He swore that was it with her. Although he said he had loved her. She sent me all his messages and texts and IMs and in these, he expressed his love for her, said he didn’t want to be with me, I was sexless and cold, but SHE was vibrant, sexy and made him feel loved and able to love again.
After I found out, he cut her off and was horrible to her. He also denied he "meant" what he said in the years’ worth of those messages. BUT –
He went back to her many many times over 6 months, after he promised me that he would cut her out of his life for good – most recently in August when he went to her work, asked the guard to call her down, she got into his van to hear him out ..
The next thing you know, my husband is arrested for ‘sexual assault’ in September. He was finally released without charge 2 weeks ago, and that was that, but they have been warned to stay away from each other.
PRESENT DAY:
As some of you know, lately (last 2 weeks) he has watched her from his work van as she walks from her office to the station; he DOES genuinely have jobs in that street but he HAS watched her as opposed to hiding behind a newspaper as he sits in his van/looking away, etc.
This has happened 3 times in 3 weeks, and each time, he has stared, and she has walked on, not stopping.
THIS TIME, SHE STOPPED AND THEY TALKED.
I can’t believe it. If the sexual assault arrest has not made him hate her WHAT THE F*CK WILL???
This is what they talked about, which I know because his partner driver "felt I should know" – he was not there but was nearby -
Admitted to her that he HAD indeed been waiting for her to approach him all those times he was parked near her work, and asked why she had been "running past" him!
Apparently he "forgave" her for having him arrested.
He wished her a happy belated birthday.
He asked how her new house was going.
Oh this is good; he asked why he "could not find her" on Facebook.
He asked her ‘can I trust you now?’ (!!)
He said ‘will you let me wave at you if I drive past you?’
She told him another guy had got obsessed with her lately and he said "See I told you you were dangerous" – what does that mean?
Please can someone decipher the things he said to her,AND tell me why would he give her the time of day?
This was last Monday but even on Tuesday, apparently he passed her in his truck and beeped & waved at her!
I am concerned as to what he plans next.
Tags: attempts, Caught Cheating, ck, coincidence, Contact, Husband Cheating, ims, jobs, love, Mistress, present day, quot, sexual assault, texts, truth, verge
He is still trying to talk to her, still wants to have conversations with her. A girl who had him arrested. He is still in love with her. If a guy had you arrested, would you have a long conversation with him? Would you ask him if its ok if you wave to him when he walks by? Would you ask why you can’t find him on Facebook? No, you’d only do this if you were still in love with that person, as your husband still is. The reason he wants to know if he can trust her now is because he wants to resume their relationship, without fear that she will communicate with you again. You have a choice: you can stay with him, or you can move on, and you know that you should move on. The fact that you re-hash this over and over, and ask questions about this, over and over, is because you are trying to convince yourself that he isn’t treating you this way, and he is. Its time to move on. You can’t trust him.
Just leave him already! He is clearly still trying to get into her pants. Have some self respect and move on.
Way too many questions. He doesn’t deserve another chance. Who cares what he is up to. He is up to no good. He doesn’t care about your relationship or marriage at all or he wouldn’t be stalking this girl. I would divorce him fast and move on. His drama can be someone elses problem. Not mine.
Leave this loser. He cheated on you and got arrested? That’s the last straw leave him
why are you still with him???? do you realize, you are at RISK for contacting STD’s from both of them, Make him wear CONDOMS…. so you won’t get AIDS….
this must be the fourth time you are posting this exact same question!
Get over it already, there is no future for you with this A**h**e!
leave him. he clearly can’t let go of her and you shouldn’t have to go on every day wondering if he is seeing her again. you’ve given him a chance, he decided to abuse it.
If I ever heard of a situation where the wife needs to leave…. this is it. Let a great lawyer do your talking for you. Get into therapy and try to recover your self respect. You deserve to live a life free from worry that this situation between your husband and some woman will happen again and again. It will.
Why are you hanging on too this prick? LEAVE HIM! He isn’t worth all the time and emotion you are putting in this. Really, you are lowering yourself to nothing.
I am all for sticking with a marriage and making it work, but this guy has gone way too far. He is treating you like a door mat. Trust me he is not done with this woman and if she won’t give him the chance he will fine someone who will. He knows that whatever crap he dishes out that you put up with. So my suggestion is to stop. File for divorce and get every thing that you can from him. I am not a vindictive person but if someone treated me like this you better bet I would do everything I could to show them I am no longer their toy they can play with and control. You deserve better.
I read this question before, I thought you had left him?????!!!
She had him arrested and he "forgave" him?! According to her he sexually assaulted her and she is still willing to talk to him!?
He is obsessed with her and I think you are putting yourself in a very dangerous situation. If this is not a joke, you need to leave, your life could be in danger. The least of your worries are a cheating husband.
I am serious.
Sorry, we cannot fix this – seems to be going on and on and on. Have you tried counseling?
oh my god!!!! sorry i have read your previous things and think your hubby does not deserve you and why would you be waiting around for him to stop obsessing over another woman? he has you right where he wants you waiting in the wings for every time this woman rejects him as you are always there for him, you even said yourself what will it take for him to hate her well lets face it he doesn’t and he sounds like he wants to rekindle this affair. see i told you you were dangerous that is called flirting in a flattering way that only the other woman likes to be seen as which is dangerous and appealing to the cheaters in life. even his mate thinks that he is out of order as he told you what was said!!! get out and never look back find someone that will love and honour you not cheat and deceive you.
What ? Why are you still hanging on to a relationship that is obviously (to me anyway) just a relationship, It isn’t a marriage if either partner has to condone, put up with, a sexual relationship outside of the marriage.
It’s still going on. They think you’re a fool, ignorant enough to turn a blind eye to his actions.
I’d be seeking luggage,a place to live and a divorce attorney, cause no matter what happens between him and his mistress, there will be another.
I wish you all the best, and hope you seek for better.
WOW , after reading the other answers, it seems quite obvious, by any standard,… But You are the one who can take it or leave it. You are the only one it matters to. Do you want to live this way? Indefinitely ? It’s your choice.
if at all possible, kick him out of your life. he still seems very much interested in her and seems like she is also flirting with him trying to make him jealous and possessive about herself by telling him about the new guy. such a bitch she is. anyway, your husband is equally to blame here and i think you should either leave him or work very very hard on your relationship with him. its gonna be very difficult since your relationship is already wounded and you have to rebuild it. becoming loving, warm, sexy, expressive and spend as much time with him as possible. when you;ll both be close enough, there won’t be any room for sluts like that bitch woman.
you know its so easy for any one to say leave leave leave, and you can do better, but i will not cast the first stone i am going throw the same thing almost to a t only now shes pregnant he says he loves me and made a mistake but he made this mistake 3 times in 5 years.It is killing me inside because i do love him to.i guess we will put up with them till we really are ready to let go. no advice will change our mind.but just in case be true to your self do not seek revenge or anything it does not make things better 2 wrongs do make a right. i cheated but it only made me feel as bad as he was .
Looks like he likes being married to you and having sex with her. Not so unusual. Probably he does not like something about her character (the fact that she send you those private messages is a clue to some faults), so once he ‘gets enough’ he will leave her, but he didn’t get to that point yet. It’s obvious he finds her sexually attractive, even irresistible and he is still fighting off this attraction. It’s easy to say ‘leave him’, but what makes you think the next guy will be different? Most couples have periodic problems and have to adjust to different stages of ‘love’, after the initial blind passion subsides – usually within 2 years after marriage. You can work it out, assuming there are no other problems.
I love the way some of the GUYS here are assuming this woman/mistress will be running back to him as soon as he clicks his fingers!
I don’t think she’ll be going anywhere near him, except for this little air-clearing they had! Serves him right…what a pig.
IslandArtiste, you could not be more wrong. She has not posted this same question four times, it’s more like four dozen times. True, she has now put a "Guiliana" in front of "Valentina" and set her questions & answers to private, but she has literally received hundreds of answers to her question, and they all say the same thing: Don’t waste your time, he is still cheating / will cheat again, divorce him and move on. She keeps re-posting the story of her sad life over and over again hoping someone will tell her what she wants to hear.