What can we do to “fall in love” again? How did YOU fall in love with your spouse again?
A few weeks ago my wife told me she loves me but is no longer in love. The issues she says caused this are today gone and she knows that. (The issues were that for years I had a very opinionated and controlling personality and that I never got as close to her son as I should have. I realize that those controlling feelings of there is a “right way” or a “safe way” to act were wrong and I will never be like that again. And, I have made amends with her son and will love him forever like my own.) Other than those personality issues, I was a great husband to her. (Never abusive, always loving, always complimentary, very supportive, etc.) We are going to counseling now.
I’d love for you to share – what are things that you did or your spouse did or you & your spouse did that helped rekindle the romance, bring those feelings back, and help you “fall in love” again? How long might this take? It has only been two days since she decided to try to reconcile. Yesterday we spent the whole day together doing stuff (errands, lunch, movie, had a late beer, etc.) – but no emotion from her – no kisses, no hand holding, etc. I know it is very soon but that was REALLY hard for me. I’m trying …
Can you help me (us)?
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Tags: Act, amp, controlling personality, counseling, emotion, Fall In Love, feelings, lunch, personality issues, romance, safe way
You are doing everything right, the one thing you want is something that just can’t happen and thats things to move faster. First comes back the trust, no one wants to walk into being hurt again and as falling in love is what has to happen next you have to take it her pace or risk ruining all the work you’ve put into rectifiying your relationship so far.
Know that if she didn’t enjoy days out with you she wouldn’t do them, hand holding comes when that warm tingle starts agin so instead of wishing for that moment, work towards her seeing you the way she did before. Have patients it will probably be months rather than weeks but how long is a lifetime of happiness and your family is worth it.
Be the man she fell in love with and married at the start then wait for that first wonderful kiss….
I think you’ve got a good start. Spending time together is a good thing but don’t over kill.
I personally know that the little things make a BIG difference. Maybe leave a little note when you leave for work telling her to have a good day, or how much she means to you…. Bring home some flowers for her. If you have a special spot, take her there and let her know how much she means to you.
If you have the time and money, take a night or two and go somewhere, just the two of you. Let her know this is what you really want, but don’t act too needy.
I hope things work out for you two and you "fall in love" all over again.
First, I really feel for you, I know it’s tough, but look at the positives, she’s going to counseling, you’re still living together, doing things together. Romances have rekindled for millions of people, if it happens it will take a while. You can only continue to show her you’re a good guy and hope for the best.