Should I let go of this relationship?
Hi all.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. He is a great guy and we love each other. We have even talked about marriage, but problems arise when I have told him that I would not want to have kids anytime soon. I am 21 and will graduate from college next year. He is 32 and has a promising career. For his age, he wants to get married and starts a family soon. However, on my side I would want to wait to have a family until I finish my masters and start a career. I told him I’d want to have kids in 4 years and he told me he can’t wait for me that long because he really wants kids and he is getting "old". He said that he would only wait for me for 2 years. We have become really upset since our talk and indeed we have just broken up because there seems to be no other way out. As much as I love my boyfriend, I don’t see how I can take care of my kids while I’ll be still busy finishing up my masters and trying to find a career. I am an ambitious girl, so having a promising career is very important to me. And I’m scare that I would not be able to handle school and family well at the same time. On the other hand, I would hate to give up love for career because I really do love him. My boyfriend and I both understand each other’s situation but we just can’t seem to agree on the family issue. So I am in a dilemma:should I let go of this relationship or should I stay with him and have kids in 2 years while I’m still at school. If I choose the latter how difficult would it be for me to balance school and family? Some of my peers have told me to let go because I’m still young and I still have time to find another great and younger guy. But how can I ditch him when we both love each other?I know there’s no absolute answers, but I just want to get some honest opinions from someone who might have gone through the same situation. I am really lost and miserable now. I’d really appreciate your advice. Thanks!
Tags: absolute answers, Dating, dilemma, ditch, Find A Career, Lost, love, marriage, masters, peers, promising career, relationship
I don’t understand his comment about getting old, a man can have kids up til he is old and gray. And your young so it shouldn’t be a probelm. I will tell you though i am fixing to turn 28 and i was like you once i put off kids and true love for my career and now i have a career and no kids and i am a little sad about it. You can juggle kids and school but it is hard. I wish i had become a mom when i was around 24 it would have been perfect and now i am in a failing marriage approaching 30 with no prospects of kids in sight. Think about it. Your heart knows what it wants.
Also i would try and compromise with your man. Perhaps he could hold off til you have graduated and then start trying while your job hunting. You can get a job and even if your in your early months of p/g your employer doesn’t have to know and can’t fire you for being p/g. You could take maternity leave and come back to work afer a few weeks. Perhaps this would satisfy you man.
Honey, I totally understand you, I was in your situation 14 years ago and chose love and left my career incomplete. I made a big mistake I regret my self of letting my future go. My husband is not even able to support himself, financially this not mean your situation would be the same as you mention he is educated and has a future. But keep in mind you are younger than him he already had his time now he is ready for a family and you are just at the beginning of your life. Pray and ask the lord to give you wisdom to make the right decision.
If he really loves you he should respect that you are just not ready. You deserve to have a career of your own and pursue your dreams just like he had a chance to establish and fulfill his. He was well aware of your age differences and the fact that you were a student when you got together I’m sure. SO how can he expect that you put aside what you want to accomplish for yourself just because he is older and ready to settle down and make you into a baby machine?
He should be able to understand that you want structure in your life. I say ditch em if he can’t understand that. You will find love again. I’ve been facing the same situation myself. Only I’m 25 and my husband is pressuring me to start a family. He has the same view; he doesn’t wanna be old when he has a kid. I have made it plenty clear to him that if he wants me, he will wait til I feel like I feel like I can equally contribute to the financial obligations children require. If he can’t give you two extra years then he’s just selfish and doesn’t deserve someone as head strong as yourself. It’s not like you said no to having children, it’s just not now. Men!!!