My Husband Betrayed Me Big Time?
Would you stay?
I found an email from 4 years ago in a folder he saved to his ex-wife pouring out his remorse/guilt that he left her and the kids when they were very young. He said tears were streaming down his face. I always knew he had guilt but not enough to say this. It is a long long story and I won’t get into the exact details but when I told him to get to know his kids again little by little he started to call. They live 6 hours from us. His children were 20 and 18 back then not 7 and 8 years old. He told them he remarried and his ex wrote him back saying he should have never told them. They didn’t even know they had a 1/2 sister that lived in another state who is 18 now. This child is not from me but from his ex girlfriend who died in 1993.
But he writes to his ex-wife the email I follishly sent to our kids, was, in hindsight, very insensitive and way too informative… What on earth was I thinking? I just thought it was best to come clean but now I realize the potentially damaging information I foolishly shared with them.. I guess I will remain a fool until the day I die since I have such difficulty distinguishing right from wrong. She is 8 years older than my husband and she definitely made him feel even more guilty then ever.
She never remarried. She has been going on and on in her life that he will go back to her.
He got an email birthday card from her saying Hopefully we will one day celebrate anniversaries, birthdays as a family.
They can’t stand me and never met me. I also found something to his mother who lives out of state and is 83 years old after the father died that in her will she will make his ex-wife the executor. (see my husband is away for the next 5 years). He will be 55 when he is home and his ex will be 62.
I have been married to him for 15 years. I have all his things at the apartment. I have his visit list with all the dates they go to see him which is very rarely and his kids go up there with her. I am up to see him all the time. He calls me 30 times a month. We are able to share intimate moments together. Now this.
He is a very strong man & even strong men can get teary eye and last week he said to me god forbid something happened to you that would be it for me. I couldn’t handle another love lost like I did with my beloved Linda which I knew he loved very much.
But he tells his mother in a letter in 12/2008 after his dad dies I want you to leave the urn that you and dad are in with (his ex-wifes) name and have a spot for me and my brother. Well where does that leave me?
He always said I want to be buried with you or be with you in the same urn.
So here he is telling his 83 year old mom a different story from me. They all speak and no one speaks to me. It is just unreal.
What do I do from here? 15 years of wasted marriage? I have been with him through so much.
I am in charge of his account, his money, there is money in the bank so that is no problem. But also he wrote to his exwife (referring to her smoking and having 2 heart attacks) I want you to live a long well deserved life and be there to see how I turn all this mess around someday…
She even wrote me an email 2 years ago saying you will never know the truth or he can say whatever he wants and when he called me that night I was crying and he wrote to her in this letter what did you write to her, she was crying and it took me an hour to calm her down. My husband said to her I am very insecure and why is she making it harder for him to get to know his children.
What do you make of all this?
He wasn’t married to the lady that has his child in florida. He was married to the lady in the early 80′s with his two oldest kids.
Tags: 8 years, anniversaries, apartment, big time, birthdays, email birthday card, ex girlfriend, exact details, executor, fool, guilt, hindsight, remorse, what on earth
Why are making something out of nothing.
Sorry, got sort of dizzy after the mother of that child died.
Get a life: have a point.
I’d suggest therapy.
I’ll wait for the Cliff’s notes.
It sounds like he wants two wives and if you have no problem with that then so be it, but if you do then you need to give him a choice her or you, his kids are old enough that he doesn’t have to keep contact with her. If he loves you and wants to be with you only he needs to man up and leave the ex alone, otherwise you need to forget him and find someone who loves you just the same.
Since you were snooping, you learned things you shouldn’t have found out about, and it stinks. If you and your husband can’t talk about these things, and you have to read about them in his private email, it sounds like the marriage is already over. Cut your losses, move on, and learn that sometimes you shouldn’t ask the question that you don’t want the answer to.
Um…. URG, too long. I got lost after the first…. 3 inches. Haven’t you ever heard of commas? I think i get what the problem is. (Could you edit your question so people understand it?) If you have that problem, why are posting it on Yahoo Answers. You need a long talk with your husband and maybe a therapist… Good luck sorting that out. I have NO CLUE! And another thing, what is the question?! You look like you have a big problem but i don’t see how posting it on yahoo Answers could help. All we can do is comment and give you tips but we are not married to your husband. You are so YOU are the only one that can fix this mess. I bid you GOOD LUCK!
Sounds like he never got over his ex and is still feeling guilt and he thinks that he can make it up one day. I would confront him and find out just what it is he wants and why he kept it from you so long
Seems to me there is no marriage where you are concern, I am sorry to say.
If after 15 years and "you both went through everything together" and he was not able to share any of this with you, then there was no solid foundation for this marriage to begin with? I don’t understand why you stayed married to a man who allowed all these people to walk all over you like this? You must know what something is not right to cause you to go around snooping through his things.
I have never understood a marriage with his things and her things. Once you are married there is no his or hers but you are join together. If he kept all these secrets from you all these years and then on top of that keeping a secret about the 1/2 sibling to his kids, this man is NO GOOD.
You are trying to hang on to something that is not real.. you need to get with reality and let him go. He cant seems to decide who he wants to be with. Seems to me he wants his 1st love and 1st wife back but just waiting for the right opportunity to come up before doing so. Having a relationship with the ex is great because of the children they shared is normal, but this is very unhealthy.
You are allowing all this to go on because you are afraid to be alone and just want to hang on to him because you don’t want anyone else to have him.
Remember this.. you may have him physically but you do not own his soul and heart.. it belongs to someone else… Let it go and you will be happier with yourself and life.
Sort of confused, but do you have kids together? If not, then why are you wasting your time w/ this guy? It doesn’t sound like there is anything in it for you. You are not living in peace and happiness. You are married to a man who is in prison, he would rather be w/ his ex wife than you, he lies to you…..hmmmm……why are not busy packing your bags?