ok every1 who may have been there b4. I need specific ideas here. after 17yrs unforseen marital crisis hit me several mths ago. loss of degree of her love, still loves but like a friend, no intimate connection felt. initial shock reaction pushed her further away, panicked, came off as needy & demanding, pushed her to point of saying she wanted out.
got myself under control, regained my lost confidence, went to work on me. changed some day2day behaviors, analysed situation in depth, took self improvement courses. changes have been noticed, responses changed from ‘its been too long, pretending too long, its too late’ & ‘just dont feel it anymore’ to ‘give me time/space to work some things out’.
We are right together, no doubt there. know problem comes from me not having met her emotional needs, got lazy there, insensitivites as a guy, and taking for granted we always would be. seeing as things always seemed good, never worked on anything. didnt know she was feeling a disconnect and just pretending everything was ok.
know u cant ‘make’ some1 love u that way, but believe intimate love can be recultivated, connections re-found. either way, believe a marriage, especially a good1, is worth fighting for. she is worth fighting for. seeing as even as we go thru this we get along gr8, little tension, talk, laugh, etc. for me speaks to likelyhood of re-connecting, at least worth a try to know for sure. believe almost any marriage can be saved, done enough research on subject to know that.
know at this point its not my decision, may have to let her go if she chooses, but unlike some people who would just throw in towel, I am not prepared to give up so easily.
this marriage is worth a 2nd chance. I am committed if she allows it, to not make same mistakes ever again. I have learned where/how I went wrong,&how to meet a womans emotional needs, once we get back to couple status instead of living like friends. I feel thru intuition that somewhere deep down she knows we can make this right & when expressed that to her, she did not deny it. know that it hasnt been that long in the grand scheme of things, but living so close to some1 that u desire so much,& r so good together(other than my having taken her for granted in certain ways), after having ur love re-awoken, is very hard to do. she has also said that she wouldnt want another after me, makes me believe she knows we are right together, so if we cant make it, who can?
she has not asked for a divorce or seperation, just time/space,& when I said if you want a divorce, I’ll give it to u, whatever it takes to make u happy, she responded with noone is talking divorce yet, makes me believe shes waiting to see/feel something from me b4 she makes her ultimate decision. in terms of feel, having hard time generating an internal love feeling, to put out that vibe, while feeling such anxiety on this turn of events. so while I work on that, there must be some simple, subtle things that i can do to make her feel wanted, valued, loved etc. not to sound like a rookie, but been lontime since i tried to woo someone, a little rusty.
some say to recreate, re-do what was done the 1st time, problem there is respecting time/space, cant come home with flowers, go out on dates, little notes, little carresses etc. with 2 young children at home & busy schedule, adds more limitations. can’t do the traditional ‘dating’ type things.
any ideas? small, specific, subtle but noticeable ideas that would make a woman feel wanted, appreciated, loved, while in time/space mode? something that might just tip the scale a little? or should I just do nothing, sit by and hope?
Tags: amp, Attempt, Control, couple status, Every1, initial shock, intimate connection, Intuit, intuition, Laugh, lost confidence, love, marriage, no doubt, righ, self improvement courses, shock reaction, specifics, tension, time space
