I met this guy & we’re teammates in the call center we’re working for.He’s cute, charming,witty,funny,was a High School teacher,Computer Science grad,a musician(he’s a bass player)& a hopeless romantic.The prettiest girl in our team even had a crush on him(she told me that since we’re close friends).But then,i never expected that someone like him would show interest to a shy & simple girl like me.He was so friendly to me that he always wants to talk to me,very caring & sweet to me.I was even amazed that when we exchanged seats, he sat next to me.He’s great to talk to & he talks to me about his fave music,asked my birthdate,where i live,other basic info,my cell number & even asked me to be the lead vocalist for the band that he will be forming.He said that he was sure i was the right person since they heard me sang in our training class(we’re still on the 2nd week of our training) Now,i just couldn’t imagine that this guy would adore me! He made me feel like the most beautiful, interesting & admirable girl in the world. His friends would subtlety tease me whether i have a date & i said no and his friends would look at him. My other female friend whom i told bout this told me that this guy would steal glances at me.I felt that this is what i have been waiting for bec. i never had a boyfriend ever(I’m still 21; he’s 23 & single).
But there’s a big problem: He smokes & drinks. You may raise your eyebrows & say "So What?" well, it’s bec. i have had enough domestic abuse in my family bec. my dad had a smoking & drinking problem. I even live separately now from my dad after i graduated College coz i just couldn’t take all the garbage & wastedness that my dad becomes whenever he was drunk.He just can’t quit. The guilt,anger & shame over our situation was too much.Bec. of my dad’s alcoholism, my mom left us even when i was still 6 years old.But i still love my dad,he’s the sweetest guy when sober but very emotional & argumentative when drunk. So now, i am so so afraid that my history would repeat itself & this time i’m afraid it’s going to be my own family that someday i will have. I don’t want to be judgmental, i just can’t help being careful & wise before making any stupid decision that i would regret for the rest of my life. It really confuses me bec. i am starting to fall for this guy & would actually want to go out with him. But the relationship i want to build with him if ever he asks me out will be a serious one & that someone i would consider marrying. But now i am struggling with so much fear in my heart, it’s so hard trying to deny that i am starting to fall for him bec. i don’t want to get hurt & find out what if he is just like my father who cares about his drinking more than his family,wife & kids. Now, i can’t help imagining about my fears and future regrets in my mind & i picture myself ten years from now:a battered wife,haggardly taking care of her little kids & here’s this guy whom i fell in love comes home drunk every night & fights with me alot & that he’s jobless or couldn’t find a decent job & he had no money but has money for his drinking sprees. I know i am a bit overboard but for me love is a choice not just a feeling or else i would end up being the victim stuck in a dysfunctional family line the rest of my life.I prayed to God about this that He will lead me the right way. I badly need some good advice from you guys…i don’t want to make the same mistakes all over again that my parents did that they ended up separated,it really is not a happy thing…I want to love but i don’t want to risk if it’s not worth it in the first place…Your opinion is very much appreciated & will help me realize many things before its too late…tnx
pardon if my question is bit long.Btw,i will still observe and know how often he smokes and drinks and figure out if he’s addicted to it or not.:)
Tags: 6 years, alcoholism, amp, bass player, call center, close friends, computer science, domestic abuse, Drinker, eyebrows, Fall In Love, fave music, female friend, girl in the world, guilt, high school teacher, Met, Musician, prettiest girl, simple girl, Smoker, subtlety, teacher computer, teammates, vocalist
