i fell in love w. my best friend a yr ago. We’ve always been close and never thought i saw him in that "way" but when we kissed, nothing was ever the same. I’m not the type to fall for anyone but after we had a thing, I KNEW. I couldn’t help it, i care and love this person so strongly and it’s never happened in my life.Then, we decided not to pursue b/c of timing and that’s where i thought we had left it. After that, we didn’t talk to each other. I was always concerned and tried to get a hold of him but never really got anything. The past few months, we’ve been talking and been hopefully becoming better friends. I started to become insecure this past week and found out he had been dating someone that didn’t work out and it was a sign that i needed closure. We FINALLY (after a yr) talked and I admitted everything to him. Turns out it was a situation of lost love that we both secretly wanted to be together, it just didn’t happen. It breaks my heart to know that someone i love and care about feels that way for someone else. He’s going through a tough time in life right now and i let him know i would be there b.c regardless, i sincerely care for him. As much as I am comfortable/okay at being friends, i’m still a mess.

I WANT TO BE WELL. There are time when i know i’m okay and have accepted things and are aware of what my friends are telling me but then there are times when i crash and burn and become affected. I’m thinking positive and am getting used to the mentality of "not caring"/analyzing about him but it’s hard. I want to be there for him but I’m more important right now, it’s about me.

I need to focus on my healthcare major, i want to do things that will boost my ego in a healthy way. I need to remind myself my value and worth. It’s hard. Sorry to be selfish but i think, why couldn’t he appreciate/like me? I’m a good person and know that there will NEVER be anyone who cares as much as I do. I need to get away from him and GET TO KNOW MYSELF AGAIN AND WHAT MAKES ME A PERSON WORTH LOVING. AM I ON THE RIGHT PATH?
it just hurts and annoys me when i go online and to see him say he misses that other girl….i don’t want to be a selfish person…and i don’t wish him ill but i really hope to God he realizes how much i really care for him…i’m not expecting anything from it but i just want him to be aware of how i’m not someone who wants him to "feel better"…i care about him unconditionally…I hope it hits him one day…
i feel like a loser b/c it’s been a yr and a half and i’m JUST getting closure NOW. He does care for me alot but he’s obviously done and over w. me…

Tags: being friends, best friend, broken heart, closure, crash, ego, good person, heart, love, mentality