Lately, I just have not felt the same about my husband as I use to. You see, he was my first real boyfriend when I was a senior in high school. I didn’t really date prior to that because all the boys I went to school with thought I was ugly and/or weird. So when I finally got someone who was willing to date me of course I fell head over hills and when he asked me to marry him I said yes probably in part due to the fact that I thought he would be the only chance at happiness I would ever have. Pretty bad to be feeling that way when you’re only 18. Now, seven years later things aren’t the same. My husband is a good person but I have become more and more, well I suppose bored with the marriage. I know I still love him but I feel no passion anymore and I think sometimes I am only staying around because inside I am still that depressed teenager who believes she is too ugly and disgusting to get anyone else. So I stay because I don’t want to be lonely. We have no children so that’s not the reason. What can I do? How can I fall in love with my husband again and save my marriage?

Tags: good person, happiness, Head Issues, love, marriage, passion, seven years, teenager

I will try and make this short- over a year ago my ex boyfriend broke up with me. We were actually engaged, to be married this past September. Over the past year, we have gone from not speaking, to being friendly, to being full fledged back together, to breaking up- several times. He has come back to me probably 4 times since he first ended things, and the last time was around this past New Years Eve.

We had been living together and I moved out when he ended things. I moved about 4 hours away, back to my hometown. He came out here around New Years, we had a good weekend, talked about being back together, he said he loved me, etc. He even said while he was here that he would marry me the next weekend if that’s what I wanted, but of course that would be rushed and I said I would rather wait and plan something low key but special.

He left and not two days later he called me and told me what he did every other time he broke up with me- he’s depressed, he doesn’t feel the way he should about the relationship, etc. And he ended things. He said he is also unhappy with the business he runs and he wants out, he isn’t making enough money, etc. I asked several times what the real reason for breaking up with me is and he said he can’t put his finger on one particular incident or reason, just that he gradually changed. I was devestated and could barely function for over a week after this.

He told me via text last week that he talked to his parents and he is going to talk to a therapist about his depression/unhappiness. He said that we can’t keep doing what we’re been doing because it’s too hard for both of us.

He is 30 years old, by the way. I love this man, and I cannot picture my life or future without him in it. I would have stood by him through anything, no matter what, but he has pushed me away several times now. I feel like I can barely breathe I miss him so much. I kept taking him back because he is a good person and I believed him when he told me he loved me and wanted to be together. Now I feel like a fool.

What should I do? I know I have to leave him alone, but its so hard- he was my best friend. Beofre anyone says there is someone else- I know for a fact there is not. We both have dated other people this year we’ve been apart, but I am best friends with his now roommate and I would know for sure if someone else was in the picture. So, how do I proceed? If he really is depressed, I want to be there for him. But I don’t want to chase him either. Adivce?
He now says he cannot continue forward with me because he has doubt about the future, and cannot enter into a marriage with doubt. I understand that, and would not want him to be with me if he wasn’t sure anyway. Should I wait for him to come along? I can’t stand the thought of losing him, but don’t want to hold on to someone that doesn’t want me, either…

Tags: depression, enough money, good person, hometown, last time, new years eve, parents, Real Reason, relationship, several times, Unhappiness

i fell in love w. my best friend a yr ago. We’ve always been close and never thought i saw him in that "way" but when we kissed, nothing was ever the same. I’m not the type to fall for anyone but after we had a thing, I KNEW. I couldn’t help it, i care and love this person so strongly and it’s never happened in my life.Then, we decided not to pursue b/c of timing and that’s where i thought we had left it. After that, we didn’t talk to each other. I was always concerned and tried to get a hold of him but never really got anything. The past few months, we’ve been talking and been hopefully becoming better friends. I started to become insecure this past week and found out he had been dating someone that didn’t work out and it was a sign that i needed closure. We FINALLY (after a yr) talked and I admitted everything to him. Turns out it was a situation of lost love that we both secretly wanted to be together, it just didn’t happen. It breaks my heart to know that someone i love and care about feels that way for someone else. He’s going through a tough time in life right now and i let him know i would be there b.c regardless, i sincerely care for him. As much as I am comfortable/okay at being friends, i’m still a mess.

I WANT TO BE WELL. There are time when i know i’m okay and have accepted things and are aware of what my friends are telling me but then there are times when i crash and burn and become affected. I’m thinking positive and am getting used to the mentality of "not caring"/analyzing about him but it’s hard. I want to be there for him but I’m more important right now, it’s about me.

I need to focus on my healthcare major, i want to do things that will boost my ego in a healthy way. I need to remind myself my value and worth. It’s hard. Sorry to be selfish but i think, why couldn’t he appreciate/like me? I’m a good person and know that there will NEVER be anyone who cares as much as I do. I need to get away from him and GET TO KNOW MYSELF AGAIN AND WHAT MAKES ME A PERSON WORTH LOVING. AM I ON THE RIGHT PATH?
it just hurts and annoys me when i go online and to see him say he misses that other girl….i don’t want to be a selfish person…and i don’t wish him ill but i really hope to God he realizes how much i really care for him…i’m not expecting anything from it but i just want him to be aware of how i’m not someone who wants him to "feel better"…i care about him unconditionally…I hope it hits him one day…
i feel like a loser b/c it’s been a yr and a half and i’m JUST getting closure NOW. He does care for me alot but he’s obviously done and over w. me…

Tags: being friends, best friend, broken heart, closure, crash, ego, good person, heart, love, mentality

2 weeks before my wedding my husband told me he didn’t want to marry me (had to go through with it cause of the $$ and people involved). I have went through emotional abuse, drinking, physical violence, controlling issues, and sexual issues with this man. There was absolutely nothing right in our relationship. I finally decided I wanted a divorce and I walked out. Had finally gotten enough self esteem that I didn’t need him and that I could make it on my own. I have a good job and can financially support myself. For temporary – I went to my parents house to live and my dad has cirrohsis…and after all he has been through I came home to him and my mom fighting because he was drinking again. I moved out young because of this problem and I ran from it again because I didn’t want to be there so I went back to my husband. I don’t love my husband at all. But he promised that he would start taking meds and change the way he treated me. Things have changed a little but I still have so much hatred built up for him for the things he has done to me. I met a guy on a work trip back a few months ago and we talk every now and then. We both really like each other but he lives pretty far from me. I get butterflies when I think about talkin to him. I fell out of love with my husband so long ago because he never treated me like he cared one bit and now I feel so stupid for sittin around and letting it happen. I want my life back! I am 25 yrs old and a really good person. I just want to be happy. My husband is trying to manipulate me into staying and saying I can fall back into love with him. I have been goin to therapy to try to get all this figured out but personal experience or opinions would be appreciated.

Tags: butterflies, Cirrohsis, dad, divorce, emotional abuse, good job, good person, hatred, job, love, meds, mom, parents, personal experience, physical violence, relationship, self esteem, sexual issues, work trip

have no titles, so i’ll just number them for your convenience

1:
People see me and say emo
People meet me and say fine
People talk to me and say good person
People know me and I say about time

People see me and say emo
So what, maybe I am
I like dark colors, I cry, I cut
But they don’t know me, so I tell them shut up

People meet me and say fine
Well, I try to cover the truth
No one sees the soul inside,
The pain and torment that I hide

People talk to me and say good person
Well, I try my best to please
I may be a good person
But these people still don’t know me

People know me and I say about time
All I ask is listen and talk,
Not just to speak and hear
Do this, and gain respect, and you will always have a friend in me.

2)
Don’t label me I say
By the color of my skin
By the clothes that I wear
Or what you label my kin

I wish not to be known
As emo goth or punk
As scene prep or nerd
But as the individual I am

I am an individual
A girl who’s one in a million
A single person in a crowd
I am unique, if you must label, label me as such

3) (please note that this one is relatively sad, and is more "free-form" poetry)

A quite cemetery nestled in the woods
The shadow of a gothic church covers people in darkness
Surrounding the casket young and old, dressed in black, and coated in sorrow
Slowly lowered into the ground, my friends cry even more
Tears are shed as soil covers the casket and flowers are put on top
People slowly leave, and when all are gone, one last person steps out of the shadows, bends down and cries
The one I loved, and lost to leave
He puts a black rose on my grave and takes out a blade
He said we would never part, I wish he lied

Thanks for reading, and critisize as much as needed, I just write poetry as a kind of "therapy" so to speak, but I want to improve, so any comments, even if you think they are horrible because of the writing, feel free to tell me, to be honest, I don’t like them much myself, but want to know what you think.
sorry they are so long!

Tags: amp, black rose, blade, color of my skin, convenience, critisize, crowd, dark colors, darkness, gain respect, good person, goth, gothic church, nerd, one in a million, person steps, punk, soil, sorrow, torment