Married 12 years, and we have autistic daughter. Wife says that I didn’t listen when she said that our daughter needed to be medicated. She started talking to a guy she went to high school with about our daughter because she says that "he would listen". She wound up having an emotional affair, and lost interest in me. Even though she didn’t cheat on me, it still really hurts. I know she had made plans to cheat before we started going to a marriage counselor. I understand that she needed me to listen, and yes our daughter needed to be medicated. Things have gotten better since then. I know she loves me. Even her friends tell me that she really loves me. She’s been through so much trauma in her life, and I feed so bad for her. I want to trust her again. I do trust her, but I don’t know how to make the hurt go away. She was raised never to let emotions out, and it pisses her off when I tell her how I feel. I know she wants to be with me, and I know she loves me as much as it’s possible for her. Sometimes she says something that sparks a memory of our marriage trouble. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes it does. I tell her that I don’t want to keep hurting each other. She gets mad and says "that was in the past, and we’ve already talked about it… I don’t want to keep talking about it." She also says, "if I had wanted to cheat on you, I would have, but I didn’t". The thing that bothers me the most is how she discounts my feelings, and says that I’m being a baby and being too emotional. It’s very frustrating to be a husband that’s more in touch with his feelings than his wife.

Tags: autistic daughter, being a baby, emotional affair, emotions, feelings, marriage, marriage counselor, marriage trouble, memory, quot, trauma

I don’t know why… but my husband is very suspicious around me. He says he isn’t, but he definitely is. He never calls his mom in front of me, and when she does call he won’t answer in front of me. He always says ” oh we’re busy, I’ll call her tomorrow”. He gets constant calls (about 8 a day or more) from 800 numbers…. and this one 414 number. We do have a few debts so when he says they are bill collectors, they very well could be. He does EMS and sometimes he comes home late for work.

I used to work at the same company and I know that at times I’d be 3 hours late coming home.

Usually when he takes a shower, he brings his cell in there with him(I do the same so I don’t miss important calls).

He also brings his laptop but he uses it to play music. I never go on his laptop or through his phone. I have went through his phone before and it always starts fights so I stopped doing it. A lot of times there were hurtful things on there. Him flirting with his co-worker, his mom texting him about divorce papers being in(We’ve since healed our marriage and shredded them months ago). He moved 1 hr 10 mins away from his mom.

He moved 1 hour 45 mins from his job. He didn’t want to give up his job or friends or even college for new ones. He killed the car in mileage for 2 years, then finally got laid off from his one job. I got him hired down here, so he finally quit the other one. He tries to say he “quit” that job for me… but i’m sorry. when you move, you accept the fact that you need to find new friends, new jobs, and what have you. He always puts it on me though. He still isn’t very accepting of going to school down here or making friends.

He throws a fit anytime i bring it up. Our pastor, aka our marriage counselor, said for him to permanently “delete” that girl the he flirts with from his life. He still hasn’t. Anytime i mention her he bursts out into anger. She got married and texted him right after. He said he doesn’t want to get rid of her because thats His “best friend”. I thought i was his best friend? “Oh you know what i mean hun” is his excuse. When his phone rings, I don’t answer it. I’m scared he will get mad at me for answering it.

I mean, I am his wife after all, but I want to respect his privacy. I do believe in whats yours is mine though. Other than these things, there really hasn’t been that many issues. We are definitely in love more than ever… but he just lies all the time, even about stupid things that don’t matter. I was cheated on in a previous relationship and always told myself I’d never marry a cheater. Well after we got married he told me he lied about it and used to cheat all the time, but he grew out of it.

Why do I always think he is cheating? Why do I never feel like I have enough of his heart? Could it be because of his lies and deceit?

Could it be because I’m scared to get cheated on again? I know his family hates me… and that already makes him love me less. I can never go to any family functions…. and he never says anything about it. He doesn’t always make me feel like a queen. He barely listens to me. He never listens to my advice.

He only wants to do what he wants to do and doesnt care about my desires, plans or dreams. Its like he still thinks he is single. I really dont know what to do. Maybe if i get him to have the mindset of a husband instead of a single man, things would be better. Who knows how id do that though. I could sit and write here all day. But the point is… I dont feel treasured. I feel taken for granted way too often. It’s almost like that book/movie. “he’s just not that into you”….. only this one married me, then realized it.

It sucks and hurts but i love my man and dont even believe in divorce if i wanted to. How do I get him to be more honest? really, i think if he wasn’t so suspicious, I wouldn’t always assume the worst. I know they say if someone thinks someone is cheating, its usually because the other person is and they are self conscious about it. Honestly, I am not cheating. I’m very faithful. I just wish he even cared enough about me to put a real ring on my finger. He’d rather waste money on video games. I’m a very gorgeous thick mid 20 year old woman. I have gained about 10 pounds recently… but this has been ongoing for quite some time idk.

What do you think? advice? suggestions? tips to get him to love me more?

Thanks everyone,
goodnight!
I just wanted to re-iterate that to my knowledge has had NEVER cheated on me before… but he said he was a manwhore to his ex’s in the past.

I’ve talked to him and our pastor about all of these issues. The pastor put everything on me. I don’t know why. Anyway, my husband definitely has self esteem issues. I always tell him confidence is sexy, etc, etc. and always try to lift him up and make him see what I see.

I know he’s not cheating now. But I dont know if he did before or not. We just moved. But for some reason, anytime he brings up a female partner, and talks about her all the time…. I just don’t like it. It makes me un-easy. I do have self love and whatever else, I’m just too optimistic that it sometimes blinds me and causes me to be naive.

Thank you all for your advice. I just wish he’d tell the world about me on his websites(even though our status is “married” on them) & buy me a real wedding ring. Our marriage is only as strong as our ring! <3 Fake rings = flimsyness

Tags: 10 mins, 800 numbers, anger, Beca, bill collectors, co worker, coming home, debts, divorce papers, ems, Husband Cheating, job, Laptop, marriage, marriage counselor, mileage, mom, music, new friends, new jobs, Play Music

Just recently i’ve been seeing a change in my wife’s behavior.After constant arguing over the lack of sex, huggs and kisses I was able to get her to tell me the truth. She admitted that she does’t love me anymore. This of course broke my heart. I was there for her from the day we met. I helped her through so manny of her personal problems with her family and finances. I work hard with the thought of her and the baby in mind. I only want the best for us, but we are struggling.When i first met her i was more of a hot head. I hung out a lot, went out drinking. Is it possible that she fell in love with me in the past but the new calm me is not what she wants. She doesnt like to talk about this, she refuses to see a counselor, but at the same time she wants to stay with me. She tells me that she cant leave me. That im her best friend and im all that she has. She still refers to me as babe, and that messes with my head.She swears that it has nothing to do with another guy. And this is the tr
I tryed to get her to come with me to see a marriage counselor but she wont go.She say’s she knows what she feels and she doesn’t need them. Its so weird, she found a new apartment for us to live in. When i told her i couldnt live with her she cryed. She can easily move in with her sister or mother. They’re all financially secure.But she still wants me to stay with her. But just as friends. I told her that there is no way i would accept her going out on dates while im living with her and she continues to get angry over that. Constantly reminding me its not about men.And she’s not interested.How can i get her counseling if she wont go.
i really appreciate all of the responces. It really means a lot.

Tags: babe, best friend, Calm, counseling, Fall In Love, Finances, heart, hot head, huggs and kisses, Hung, kisses, lack of sex, Lost, marriage, marriage counselor, messes, Met, new apartment, personal problems, responces, truth

Are you thinking of divorce? Do you want to know how to save your marriage with a marriage counselor?

There are many therapists who say they do marriage counseling, but how do you know which ones are really good? This article will give you a checklist of things to look for in a family therapist.

First of all, you want to see what their credentials are. There are three basic classes of counselors.

The first is the Ph.D. or Psy.D. level counselor. These people went to graduate school for a minimum of five years and wrote a dissertation. In addition, they performed a minimum of 3000 hours of therapy under the supervision of an experienced psychologist. In order to legally call yourself a “clinical psychologist” the person must have a doctoral level degree. Ph.D.’s are often more academic in nature and tend to do scholarly and forensic work along with therapy.

Then there is the M.S.W. This means Master of Social Work. Social Workers are trained to apply social theory to specific situations. They can work in institutions or with individuals.

Finally, there is the M.S. or M.A. in Counseling. Often called a “Marriage and Family Therapist,” these people can only work with individuals or small groups in counseling situations. They tend to have 2 year degrees and may not have written a thesis. They have 1500 hours of therapy under supervision.

If you are using your insurance to cover your marriage counseling, your insurance company will probably direct you to an MSW or a Marriage and Family Therapist because they are less expensive.

Second, you have to determine what the price will be. Clinical psychologists tend to be the most expensive while Marriage and Family Therapists are the least expensive. Remember you are trying to stop divorce. Save marriage by finding the best fit not the most (or least) expensive professional.

Look at the per session cost as well as the overall cost for the expected length of treatment.

Often, therapists working in groups or non profit institutions will have a sliding scale fee based on a couple’s income. If you qualify, this might make counseling affordable when it otherwise might not be.

Third, you need to look at the policies the therapist has. Some of these policies include:

• What happens if you miss or cancel a session?
• Can you take a pre-planned vacation without having to pay for the session?
• Will the therapist accept calls outside of the normal session? Do they accept calls at home or just at the office?
• Is there an alternative person you can call in an emergency?

A family counselor should help you put your family back together so that you don’t have split up. Saving your marriage should be their ultimate goal. If you don’t feel that you are in synch with your counselor, move on and find someone who can keep you from divorce and save your marriage.

Tags: amp, counselors, Credentials, Dissertation, divorce, Family Therapist, Graduate School, How To Save Your Marriage, Level Counselor, marriage, marriage counseling, marriage counselor, People, Psy D

I am looking for a book that might have 365 ways ( each way would be like an activity for the two of us to do together everyday of the year to help strengthen our marriage. ) of helping the marriage. I am looking for something to help us until I can get us into a Marriage Encounter through the church. A marriage counselor is very costly.

Tags: Books, Help Marriage, marriage, marriage counselor, marriage encounter