I just found out that I’m pregnant and my boyfriend wants me to get the abortion pill and terminate the pregnancy. His reasoning is good, he knows we’re not ready, I’m not finished with college and he is about to go back to school next semester. He also doesn’t want to damage our relationship, he says that’s what happened with his ex wife, their relationship was torn apart because of the baby and she ultimately cheated on him. I know that I’m different though and we’re different, i know we can make it work if we try and stay honest with each other about how we’re feeling.

As you may have figured out, he already has a 7 month old son with his ex wife and is currently in and out of court trying to get full custody. He is a very good father and very responsible. He has a steady job and makes more money than most people several years older than himself. I know we could do it.

I’m not sure I could live with myself after getting an abortion. I’m 5 weeks along, did you know the baby already has a heartbeat at 5 weeks!? I’m generally pro choice but I’m not sure I could personally make that decision. I’m worried about medical complications, which I know are rare with the pill, but knowing my luck with medical procedures…

I’m also concerned with the emotional effects. He doesn’t want a baby to ruin our relationship but I know if I abort the pregnancy it’s going to ruin everything even faster. I know myself and I know I’m going to blame him and begin to resent him. I know this because it’s already happening. I’m already beginning to feel hostile towards him because I’m feeling like I have no choice in the matter, he decided what was best and that was it, I’m feeling forced and it’s making me pull away from him and distance myself emotionally which is the last thing I need to be doing at a time like this.

I hate that I feel this way about him right now because I love him more than anyone in the world and more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I know he’s trying to be supportive and I know he’s not purposfully trying to force me to do anything but what with the hormones raging, that’s how I’m feeling.

I can’t just get rid of the baby. We knew this could happen and I don’t feel like we can just take the easy way out and move on with our lives like nothing happened. Now I just need to get him on board. If worst comes to worst I can be a single mom, I’m not gonna let him force me to get an abortion if I don’t want it, but I really want him to want this baby and stay with me and be a family. So my question is, how do I convince him that this is the best decision for me?
By the way, adoption is NOT an option

Tags: Abort, abortion pill, Back To School, choice in the matter, emotional effects, fiance, full custody, getting an abortion, heartbeat, love, medical complications, medical procedures, money, pregnancy, Pregnant, pro choice, relationship, steady job

I posted a question a while back (below) about what I should do as my boyfriend was hurting me only having come back after he left a few months ago. Firstly I want to say a big thank you to everyone who took the time to reply it really helped.

Since all of this happended he hasn’t really tried at all, he didn’t even do anything for my 30th Birthday and didn’t even help. What he was more interested in was a speaker for his car, he could afford that. On my actual birthday he wasn’t around, the night after he went out, i explained that how can I beleive him when he says he loves me, he told me I just have to. The night of my party he kept dissapearing and people where asking where is he, I couldn’t answer so felt stupid. I caught him on the stairs texting someone else but he turned his phone over when I walked towards him. He had also already mentioned that it was another friends birthday, i told him if he wanted to go to hers instead. Later that night when I went to find him I caught him outside on the phone saying I’ll be there, i’m coming, when he turned around he looked shocked that I was there, I asked where are you going and why are you abandoning me on my party night. All I got was I’m going, I said what, again he said he was leaving. Now this was really wrong but I couldn’t help it I felt so let down I ended up slapping him around the head, I shouldn’t have done this as its not me at all but I was so upset. Only days before after all the crap with that girl had he said I need to trust him that when he says he loves me he does. Certainly didn’t feel like that. When I got home his stuff was gone, which i’m kinda glad about as I was thinking of asking him to leave at the end of the month as he wasn’t paying his way with bills and stuff, but I thought I’d give him a change and no money ever showed up- just like before expect this time I had to be strong and not keep him. I feel better that I don’t have to worry about doubting someone thats supposed to care anymore, but feel lost as I was hoping that when he came back he would be the person I fell in love with all that time ago. Even some of his friends have said that they don’t like him anymore as he has changed, but not for the better. I think I was right to not stand for this anymore but your thoughts would be most appreciated if you have time. Thanks again.

What should I do, My ex came back but wont stop texting someone he was seeing?
My ex recently came back and moved in again after a few months apart. He explained he left over silly reasons and that he came back because he loves me. Obviously I loved him and tried everything to make him see sense but ended up having to give up and try to move on. I started to see someone else and a few others took interest lightheartedly of course. Anyway when he came back we had the awkward conversation of do we have anyone else to tell that we are back together he said he had seen this one girl and it didn’t mean anything and i told him about mine. The next day I text everyone to say I was back with him and I showed him this and their response. He seemed reluctant to inform his interest. Anyway eventually he did and she kept texting him and calling him and at first he got mad and didn’t reply or was abrupt with her on the phone. I explained it has to stop and he agreed. A few days ago I received a message from someone who was still interested and I told him about this to keep the honestly between us alive like we agreed. Out of curiosity I asked him have you heard from yours, he then just casually said yeah we’ve been chatting. Now i’m not sure if what I feel is wrong, but to me at my age late 20′s if you get back with some and agree to draw a line under something you don’t bring the crap that you had over that point. I mean she still texts him and calls him when we are in our bed. I now dread hearing his phone go off and don’t want to ask him. A few days ago I mentioned that this is hurting me that even without him having to ask me to get rid of those interested in me i did so, and that I now have to put up with her all the time and it feels crap almost like he is keeping her there for a reason. When I ask him about this and actually say I don’t like it all I get is that she is a friend, he makes out like she is this amazing mate, who fair enough he has know for years but before he left he hadn’t spoke to her for 2 years. I tried to explain that he was the one who screwed up and that sometimes we all have to deal with the consequences our actions, even me in loosing the friend I was seeing because I don’t think its appropriate to keep them on the scene if Im with my fella. He really doesn’t understand this and all I get is she is just a friend. I don’t know what to do as I do love him, but over the past few days since he has basically said that he wont get rid of this person I don’t feel connected to him anymore, pretty much like he threw us away so easily before weather it was a mistake or not and now I

Tags: 30th birthday, crap, dissapearing, friends birthday, Lost, money, stairs, Stuff, Stupid

My wife and I are divorcing, the divorce is my decision,not hers. I am seeing another woman, just to do fun things with her and not for a long-term relationship. I can’t even feel right to kiss this new woman yet although she is looking for intimacy. My wife told me that she loved me and don’t understand why I deny her love, while I have been feeling ignored. Last year I told her I loved her more than before, and 3 months ago I told her that my heart was not in it for a long time. I am confused about my feeling, and not sure if I still love her. I feel that I have been closed up myself because I have been ignored. Recently, my wife asked me to if I could give her a chance to show her love for me the right way. She asked for my forgiveness if she had done things in the past that made me feel ignored because her focus was somewhere else (and NO, she never cheated on me, and she is a good and loving person). She told me that people made mistakes and why should she be punished when she has learned from her mistakes. She asked for my generosity to give us a chance to save our marriage. She told me that her heart is filled of love for me and impossible to accept love from another man to rebuild her life. We have a beautiful 14 year old daughter, and the divorcing process has hit her hard. My wife told me that she will give it all to make it work and asked for my part. She told me it is not too late and better late than never, and it doesn’t hurt to try. She said that we can’t reclaim our past but we could pick up pieces or start from a clean slate. If it’s doesn’t work than we can walk away for good without regretting that we didn’t try hard for our marriage and especially for our daughter, since she is in the age where she need both of us the most in her life. She told me she doesn’t even want my money, as long as the 3 of us are together. Should I give my marriage another chance , since I already feel happy going out with this new woman for about a month. Should I walk away from this new woman or walk away from our marriage of 18 years? How do we restart for the marriage saving process? Is it possible? Please help.

Tags: clean slate, divorce, forgiveness, fun things, generosity, heart, Heart Love, intimacy, kiss, long term relationship, long time, love, loving person, marriage, money, new woman

I had no contact with The Ex over the summer, really after I broke up with him. Sporadic texting. Never flirty. He said a couple hurtful things about how he "missed me on occasion" and mostly he missed how supportive I was. So I left it. Until, a little over a month ago, I sent kind of a bitchy email saying he "didn’t have to pay me back any of the money he owed me because I’m not hurting for cash and I know he is. Everything has been going so great for me this summer. It’s so weird how everything just got better for both of us after we broke up". He responded- seemed grateful.

A week later he randomly texted about how I looked like someone in a movie- total foot in the door move. We ended up going for coffee and sushi. It was really fun but he was overly familiar the whole time. From the get-go he was throwing things down my shirt and inviting me out to his cabin. Whatever, it was good for my ego. We ended up hanging out like twice a week after that. Didn’t talk every day necessarily but often. He was always flirty. His birthday rolled around and I took him for a quick drink after school as a present. We got drunk…he admitted he still loves me. I told him I was seeing someone. He slapped my ass a couple times. We talked about the breakup a lot.

We hung out a little more until last weekend (so it’s been over a month hanging out). I was on the rocks with my boyfriend and tried breaking up with him (but he cried so I got freaked and let it be for a bit). The Ex showed up at my work when my shift was over to take me shopping. We went for dinner somewhere nice first and he paid- had a couple drinks. He bought me a present. Then my boyfriend ditched on the plans we had that evening so The Ex suggested we go and play cards. Harmless. He picked up wine and we went to my place. Got drunk. He asked if I wanted a backrub…we slept together…he left a few hours later. He texted the next day to see how I was. We ended up making plans for the following weekend (this weekend). He picked me up from work…took me grocery shopping. We got wine. Same thing happened but he stayed over. He brought up our past and asked why I always tried to break up with him. We talked about how we used to have plans to get married. We cuddled and he stroked my hair. He stayed for a bit in the morning but had plans and made plans to see me that afternoon. We hung out…it was fun. I had an hour break in there to go officially break up with my bf. I came back and talked to The Ex about it and I was super bummed out. I asked for a hug and he held me for a while. But when I put out my hand…he high fived and didn’t hold it.

So I asked him where we were…like, are we dating now? And he said…what? He would barely look at me. I said I broke it off with my bf at least partially because of him. We hung out all the time. He still has feelings for me. He buys me stuff and takes me places and we talk all the time…it’s like dating already. And he said he hadn’t thought about it that way and he doesn’t want to date anyone right now because of school. And I said I didn’t want to see him any more than we were (also because of school), so how would it make things different? His responses were short and kind of seemed like he was scared or super uncomfortable. And I said if he thinks we’re just friends we shouldn’t be having sex and I didn’t think he could keep it PG. And he said he could and he wanted to stay friends with me…he wanted to have me in his life. So when I tried to say we couldn’t be friends he talked me out of it. I brought up how he admitted he thinks about me sexually like, every day. How he said he still loves me. And he said a) well yeah, so what and b) we were together for so long of course he still has feelings for me. So I gave him the ultimatum that we could be friends but he couldn’t flirt at all because he knows I still have feelings and it’s confusing and making me feel like dirt- and that he can’t change his mind and say he wants me later. And he was all "Yeah, totally!"

So…he flirted from the start. Admitted he still loves me. Hung out and essentially dated me for a month before anything happened. You don’t hang out with your ex and buy them shit and flirt AND talk about the past (every time we drink he brings it up and we talk about it for hours) and actually think you’re just friends, right? You don’t tickle them to turn it into just cuddling and talk about how good it feels to hold them again, do you?

Tags: Ass, backrub, cards, coffee, Contact, couple drinks, couple times, Drunk, ego, email, Follo, money, Money Owed, Occasion, rocks, shopping, sushi, weeken, whole time, wine

It’s been about a month now and I can’t get over my ex. I see my ex "every" day at college when I go, which makes it even more difficult. I mean he said he fell out of Love with me because we argued a lot, and that’s not entirely true. We argued normally, who doesn’t? I just sometimes feel like he’s all screwed up because he got raped at young age, I mean my heart goes out to him. I feel like when we broke up it was all my fault, I’ve tried sending flowers to get closure, called him, text him, and I have completely stopped :’(. It hurts so much, I don’t understand it. Maybe I really did care about him, and it’s taking me a long time to get over this little guy. I know he’s had a rough past, but he doesn’t have to ignore me. I’ve always been understanding, when he first told me about his situation back then I started to cry. Because I can imagine how badly it hurt him, I think that’s why he has trust issues. He just broke up with me through text, he would never answer my calls or NOTHING. He just vanished, and he tells everybody that he is completely done with me. I don’t get it? Yeah I admit, I acted immature sometimes. I argued for the heck of it, but I never was really mean about it. He knows that I Love him, which is what gets me . I just want things the way they used to be, everyone tells me that Time will heal the pain. I don’t know, I feel like I’ve lost my bestfriend and the first guy that ever really cared about me. Now he is off talking to other guys, and I’m here a month later still trying to hold back the tears. I know he gave me a second chance, but it’s so stupid with what we argued about and i realize it now. I gave up "everything" for him, my time, my friends, and I even spent a TON of money the first month we dated and more after 3 more months. I just tried to make him so happy, and everyone tells me I can do better and he isn’t worth my time. That makes me so mad, because he was worth my time, and I thought he was the best I can do.

There were a lot of negative things about him like everybody else, he did lie to me about a few important things. He manipulated me, bossed me around sometimes to much, and when we argued he talked to me like a child. But besides all that he was ‘"amazing", he treated me the way I have always dreamed of a guy treating me. And I don’t know what else to do. Don’t take this as me being a snob or being stuck up, but I have money. I bought ,000 worth of clothes, took my friends out, read a book, and I have been exercising and doing my college homework like CRAZY. I can’t get over him, money doesn’t help, my friends remind me of him, they don’t say anything but the things they do remind me of my Matthew.

You know, I really thought deep down in my heart we wouldn’t break up. I know what my heart wants, and it want’s my ex back so bad. But he doesn’t even care to communicate with me whatsoever, he just ignores me all together. I think he’s disappointed in me, and feed up with how things were going. I know were great together, he knows I really enjoy his friends company and his parents. I feel like I messed things up and I can’t go back, if he would just let me have five minutes with him I could tell him exactly how I feel. If I could give him just one more kiss then maybe he would feel what I feel between us, but seeing how he appears to hold a grudge agains’t me. I don’t see that ever happening, you know it’s painful to see somebody you care about so much care to not talk to you, ignore you, and think only the bad things about you. :’(

Tags: bestfriend, closure, Friends, Heal Pain, heart, heck, Imagine, long time, Lost, love, money, second chance, See My Ex, sending flowers, trust issues