I’m 29 and dating a 35 year old man who is about to finalize his divorce. They have been separated for several months. He has 2 step children that he loves dearly and he has been a father figure to them most of their lives. The end of his marriage was due to several things – lack of affection, wife was alcoholic (even got arrested twice), verbal abuse (from her when she was drunk), and to add insult to injury she had an affair and told him about it.
He tells me he loves me, that I’ve spoiled him by treating him so well, that I’ve really helped his confidence and that I’m the best woman he’s ever known……sounds great right?
Well, anytime I hang out with him, his phone is blowing up – texts, calls, from the ex wife. She doesn’t know about me because he’s afraid she will take the kids away since he has no legal rights as a step parent. Whenever she doesn’t get her way from him – like asking him to go grab a beer with her and hang out because she’s "bored" – she starts threatening him, telling him she’s going to let his dog loose, and "you’re not going to see the boys again!"….highly manipulative. He hasn’t ever given in to her threats when he’s been around me, but he still very much "plays" nice with her.
Its getting really irritating to be hanging out with him and his phone starts blowing up with texts, etc. I don’t know why he can’t just tell her that he’s with friends even if he’s afraid to let her know that he’s started dating already. Which is ironic since SHE is still dating the guy she had an affair with – and she talks about that relationship to him. Yet – he’s afraid to tell her the truth.
To put it bluntly – I think she has him by the balls. He is a very rational, calm, nice guy – and she’s the complete opposite. I think she knows that she will always have him right where she wants him because he loves her boys so much. I’m mad at him now for allowing her to have so much control over him. But I realize that isn’t my problem to deal with or handle…..
The one thing I know I DO have control over is whether or not I want to continue to see him. I’m starting to feel like he has way too much baggage for me to want to deal with right now. I don’t want a guy who is p#ssy whipped by his ex wife who treated him like crap.
What do you think? Am I not being understanding enough?? I have NEVER complained to him about this – I have always stayed out of their business because I feel it’s not my right. But I’m annoyed.
To knowguy: I’m using "crude" terminology just to get to my point faster. I feel that I have been very understanding with him. Now I’m feeling fed up. I wouldn’t ever tell him "hey you p#ssy whipped jerk, grow a pair!"….I’m putting it bluntly for you all.
Tags: affection, balls, best woman, confidence, divorce, father figure, Insult, insult to injury, marriage, nice guy, old man, relationship, Step Children, texts, truth, verbal abuse
