I want to contact my ex… That is the thought that dominates your entire being when your heart is broken because your relationship did not work out the way you would have wanted it to. It is a normal reaction to feel this exact way, but as a matter of fact, you need to take thing slow if you are going to have any chances of getting back together with your ex again.
You’ll hear a lot about the no contact rule when you start researching a way to get your ex-girlfriend back after a breakup. But what exactly is this rule and how does it work? Many people even think that going no contact means your ex will forget you forever.
Not true! Many of us believe that our exes will forget us after a breakup, but that kind of thinking can backfire. Here’s how the no contact rule works, and how to use it to get your ex back after a breakup.
What no contact is
No contact is essentially taking a period of time where you don’t talk to your ex, or have very minimal contact with her. During this time you’re focusing more on yourself than anything; you’ve now got a chance to:
1. See the breakup from a rational point of view.
2. Realize it’s not the end of the world even though you’re broken up.
3. Have a chance to calm your mind and breathe.
4. Get your life back in order.
No contact also allows your ex to do all the same, which is beneficial to her. So it works both way.
Why the no contact rule works
It works because no contact lets you approach your ex at a later date WHEN YOU ARE MORE RATIONAL.
Perhaps its most effective use is:
No contact gets you out of the desperate mindset.
Right after dealing with a breakup, most people go into desperation mode where they text and call the ex nonstop. Or IM them – whatever means of communication you use. And then, we try to figure out why they left us.
This backfires because then the ex-girlfriend thinks “aw, he’s so desperate, I’ll just stop talking to him completely and find a new guy.”
So when you feel the temptation come on to contact your ex after a breakup, it’s a lot wiser to go no contact, because then you avoid desperation mode, and don’t drive your ex away.
How do I use no contact?
To use no contact, first:
-Getting a calendar.
Mark off the days you’ll have no or low contact with your ex. (Low contact means saying hi, but not going much beyond that.)
30 days is a good time period to shoot for. It will give you plenty of time to get out of desperation mode and back into a rational, calm frame of mind.
-Mark off the day you will re-initiate contact.
Set the date 30 days from now, or whenever you choose, to re-initiate contact with your ex. Now, it’s important that you DON’T contact your ex before you have regained a rational state of mind. So allow yourself as much time for no contactas you need; better to overcompensate.
-Make a plan for what you’ll say.
Now, you don’t want this first contact to be, “let’s meet up and talk about our relationship for 3 hours.” Instead you simply want to be SEEN by your ex so they realize you are again the rational, calm, attractive, happy person she fell in love with.
So make it a light note, something like, “Hey, how’s it going.” You definitely want to keep the conversation neutral; avoid your breakup as a topic of conversation. Good topics include the weather, current events, and simple, easygoing topics. Avoid talking about any current romances in either of your lives as well.
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