I was in a 13-month interracial relationship. It was not easy for both of us:

- he cannot be committed to me without his family rejection over a interracial marriage
- he cannot express his feeling because english is not his first language
- he cannot be himself becuase he cannot speak hindi with me
- his mom kept pushing him for marriage, but he can’t tell his mom about me
- I feel seperated/lonely whenever i hang out with his friends.
- I feel insecure about the whole situation from the beginning to the end – worried when he is going to get arranged with another girl in his culture
- I feel i cannot connect with him and there is a gap between us.
- I feel desperate…i want light in the relationship, but it is always dark
- We like each other, we enjoy each other’s companies, we talk to each other in numerous hours of phone calls everyday

Despite all these, we managed to be together for 1 year. We were, in general, very happy together, but wenever we both talk about/think of the future. We ended up talking about breaking up. So, this time is finally 99.99%.

He decided to break up with me because his friend has a similar issue like ours. She chose to marry the man despite of the family’s disappoval. The family is now no longer calling her their daughter!

This is like a series of scences in a drama:

1. He was very strong-willed. He told me strongly, "I don’t like you, that’s it. I cannot do this anymore. Even now i feel intensed to be in a relationship with you, it will be 100x more intensed after i told my parents about you."

2. He still called me for the next two days and told me how much he missed calling me sweety..So i asked what does he want, he responded the same way as before.

3. I msged him and snapped ties with him. He regret for saying no to me cus I "may be the best thing he will ever have".

4. The next day, I called him and decided to ask him what’s his intention for saying that. He said "he doesn’t know what he is doing." but he still insisted of snapping ties, so i agreed.

He is going back to his native land to visit his parents in 2 weeks. I don’t know whether i should hope for anything at this point. I am so worried he is going to find another girl during his visit. I have so much stress in myself and i feel very sad. I feel hopeless and have thought of hurting myself to ease my pain from my heart.

Tags: Culture, doi, family rejection, first language, Friends, gap, Heart Broken, intention, interracial marriage, Lonely, marriage, mom, parents, relationship, scences, ties