I have been married for 8 months, been with him for 2 and a half years. Our marriage has turned into a legal friendship. I have had 3 serious relationship talks with him in the past 2 months. Here are the problems. One is that he is on Lexapro, has been for over a year. The side effects are that they lose interest in sex. I excepted that at first, but we haven’t had sex since November. I told him to talk to his doctor about another med and he has seen his doctor twice since I said that and he has done nothing about it. The other thing is that he doesn’t want to do anything together anymore. He does not like my friends for whatever reason, doesn’t even try to get to know them. He does not want to go out with me and my friends even though he is invited every time. Even with out friends, he does not want to do anything. I go out, but I feel like I am married living a celibate singles life. The first talk I had with him, I was nice, trying not to hurt his feelings, I just said we need to do more things together, there are things we can do that don’t cost money, even play a game of cards or something at home. He said he understood and everything was fine, but then he did nothing to change. The second time I talked to him, I was a little more blunt, I told him that I feel that we are friends who kiss once in awhile and he agreed that he thinks we have turned into roommates. I suggested marriage counseling so that our marriage won’t get worse, and he seemed ok with it. Still, he has done nothing to change. The third time I talked to him, I didn’t hold anything back.
I told him how I feel lonely, how I feel like I have one life with him in our house and then another life with me out in the rest of the world. I told him that I feel like we lost it, he doesn’t feel that way. He feels things are fine. I told him that he feels things are ok, me here at the house cleaning and cooking dinner and that he has me to come home to. I feel that something is wrong, that I want to get back the passion we once had. He really had nothing to say to me when I was talking, he felt bad because he started to cry, but that was it. Still, no changes! My mom and my friend say that I might have to be the one to say let’s go do this or that, be the one to hook up with a counselor, basically be the one who carries this marriage. I don’t want to have to do that ALL the time. I want him to show some input, show that he cares. When we were first together, things were great. Then he went on that med and our sex life went to hell, and then after marriage, he just totally changed. I know that he loves me to death, he is never mean to me, but it feels like he is content with what we have now, we don’t even hold each other anymore. What else is there for me to do? Should I mentally have a time frame to give him before I say that’s it?
As of now, I don’t see myself leaving him, but I need to feel wanted, ya know? Any suggestions, thanks so much!
I am not ready to give up on the marriage, as the question is, what else can I do to save it and that I don’t see myself leaving him right now. I am in my late 30′s by the way and I know what marriage is.
Tags: celibate, feelings, friendship, game of cards, half years, lexapro, marriage, marriage counseling, money, rest of the world, roommates, second time, serious relationship, Sex, third time
